Hi all, hope you can offer some guidance.

I lost my dad to cancer on Thursday. It was sudden, not in a way that any of us had planned, and in the midst of an utterly horrible week. Although he'd planned to die at home, he was in hospital, and my mum was in another hospital at the time (having been rushed in the night before with lung disease complications). We got the call that he was going, and although my brother and sister-in-law had arrived in town an hour before and we had rushed over, unfortunately we were about 15 minutes too late.

The last time I saw him before that was as he walked out of the door a week before, on his way to a routine procedure, unwell, but very much alive. I'd thought abstractly about his death and had decided that I didn't really want to be around when it happened, and I certainly didn't want to see him once he'd passed. I didn't want that to be my last memory of him.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the option, as it all happened so quickly. We'd rushed to the hospital because he was dying with no family present, and we were prepared to be there when it happened. Having missed the 'event', we chose to walk into the room and say goodbye.

I'm 30. It was my first ever sight of a dead body, and it was horrible. He was severely jaundiced from the liver failure, and didn't look terribly restful (even though he had passed peacefully). He didn't look like he was just sleeping. He looked, to be honest, terrible. I've been haunted by that image ever since. I'm still struggling to get it out of my head. That's it: that's my last memory of my dad. I hate it.

I spent some time alone with him, held his hand, gave him a hug, and said goodbye. I was prepared for that to be 'it'.

We're currently organising the funeral arrangements (still just us kids as my mum is still in hospital). He requested only a small family funeral, if anything, but we've decided not to have one at all, and we're all happy with that. However, I've suddenly found myself wanting to see him again before he's cremated. I want to get rid of that image of him alone, ill-looking, in that gloomy room, and replace it with another memory on my terms.

So we're considering organising a chapel of rest visit. What I want to know is: what to expect? Will they be able to make him look any better, or more peaceful? He died with his mouth wide open, will they be able to close it? The very last thing I want to do is replace this traumatic memory with an equally horrible one. I just want to see him looking at peace.