Hi jancs ime so so sorry your struggling it gets worse before it gets better or eisier talking real does help you need to keep coming on and chatting i came on here over a year and a half i made a great chum who carried me through and she says the same only she has cancer what a trooper and a lovely person she is .if you can get a dialogue with a lady in your position that text every day and vice versa can be a lifeline every day .i understand the lonelyness your going through buts its having to cope with things your partner did and it causes anxiaty .try ringing your kids first thing in a morning and last thing at night ime sure they would love to here from you  .dont tell em your ok if they ring we are terrible for saying ime ok when people ask if we dont say we are struggling how will they know . 11 weeks is so so early have you looked into counciling that hour a week can help .i went to hospic for mine for months it was torcher at first everyone goes think its a madgic bullet its not but it does help a bit . Like a walk in nature that helps a tiny bit but all these tiny bits together end up a big bit .bereavment groups another tiny bit but i can tell you this eventualy it does get eisier but you have to work at grief you have to go with it . If you dont it lasts longer i like to think in fact ime almost sure that we dont realy die but move on and wait for our loved ones to follow but not just yet .theres a post on here you may have read it from sarhapine 8 called signs after loss have a look you may find it a comfort or not .are your thoughts going round and round in your head 24/7 l??? Liz is allways in my head but it dosnt hurt like it did i miss her but dont feel lonely now why i dont know i think that is because i feel ill see her again and that death is not final ime not religious at all just things that have happend since she passed away just try and take it a bit at a time .paul

I lost my hubby in Oct 2020 grief is unique to you we all grieve differently ,a friend who is three years on from losing her son aged 15 suddenly cardiac problem unknown until after , I asked how she copes , sleep eat well and find time for being kind to yourself .do what do feel is right for you and nobody can put time limit .

i feel in a dream brain fog that I can't lift bearsheavily emotions and brain / body in total chaos but also dark thoughts . But have 12 year old lovely son x

I can only think that your lovely son helps you through each day. I too have dark thoughts and my 4 year old granddaughter helps me at times but lives a couple of hours away. I know lots of other people are in pain and I feel for our partners, husbands and wives who have suffered with this dreadful disease x