Hi there! 

I just wanted to reply to let you know this is exactly how I felt when I lost my mum, my best friend, my world in June. Every day I had thoughts about wanting to be with her, planned it all out in my head, only not following through because I don't want my children feeling how I do. It was a daily occurrence. But now these thoughts are much less often, I think about how angry my mum would be with me once I met up with her. She'd be furious. Every day I talk to my mum, ask her advice, follow her guidance, she's always with me. Your mum is always with you too. Now when I get these thoughts I try to stop them straight away because I know I won't follow through. It's difficult to find distractions but that is what you need to do.

I too only had the last image of my mum screaming out in pain, asking for help for months. But last month I had the most beautiful image of her in my dream, she was so happy smiling and it was as though she was telling me she was ok. 

I lost my mum suddenly too, yes, we knew her cancer was terminal but the day before we were all at her house laughing and joking all day, I do think this made it much harder for me to deal with as I wasn't prepared but I have to think that it was so much better for her, she wasn't lingering in pain, becoming someone she didn't recognise herself.

I hope my experience is of some help to you.

Take care.

What you are going through is normal my father died last April from cancer and I still get upset and cry just about every day too.Still dosent seem like he's not here and every so often the reality hits you hard again.There is nothing wrong with how you're feeling it's a normal stage of the process.I just think I was lucky to have such an amazing person as my father and when I get upset I try to think of a good memory and turn it the other way around.There is no timescale for feeling better you have to take it one day at a time that's all you can do x 

Hi sorry your going through this its to early for you just yet its a long lonely road is grief counciling can help . Its getting thoes black thoughts that get stuck going round and in your head .maybe forget about your sister till your feeling a bit more level. Try some counciling you can get answers etc from councilers and your probably finding now your still suffering and the worlds going back to normal at least with counciling its for you alone . but just for the moment just take it a day at a time the sun does shine eventualy you have to convince yourself it will best wishs paul

So sorry for the loss of your mum        I feel the same lost my wife Peñny ️ to met breast cancer on the 06 November 2019  Penny ️ lasted 21 days after diagnosis miss Penny ️ so much we were married for 48 years Penny ️ was just 18 years old when we married  age 67 when she passed away . Just don't want to live anymore without Penny ️ just feel totally lost and useless  I  feel the same as yourself struggling with grief get angry and frustrated with life  lose my temper with everything just want to die myself  feel so lonely without Penny ️ she was my world always there for me now Penny ️ is no longer by my side just don't want this life anymore without Penny ️ Myself I have Postate cancer. Penny's diagnosis came out of the blue .  I just don't want to do anything just lay in bed thinking how this has happened . This last 18 months has been a nightmare me struggling to make doctors understand I was not feeling well before they discovered I had Postate cancer . Then Penny' ️  passing away  GP was treating her for Sciatica  it was Breast Cancer spread to her spine . Life has become unbearable don't want to be here without Penny ️ . Never see anybody .  In the next few days going for Breverment counciling . Will it work who knows   Just want to be with Penny ️ again .  She was the love of my life my world . Just feel I cannot survive without Penny ️ each day gets harder and harder .