Ime so sorry its  the worst anguish pain imaginable maybe would help if you had a word with gp they may be able to give you something to give you a few proper nights sleep would you like to tell us about yourself and what happend it helps to talk .and ime happy to listen ive been through it myself 15 months ago are you sleeping on the couch because to many memories in your bedroom i took everything out of bedroom pics memorabilia everything so i could at least get some peace from the constant reminders ive slowly brought a few out now as the months go by . Paul

Thank you for your reply, I cant move anything yet, his toothbrush,  razor and everything is where they  have always been . I do go to bed and I fall asleep quite quickly, i just cant stay asleep. I am heartbroken he has died , but I am tormented by the suffering he endured, if he was going to get cancer that's how it is, but I took him for help so many times,  nothing was picked up, yet it had spread so much. I stood crying telling the gp that if he'd been my dog I would be in prison for letting it suffer so badly. I feel we were robbed of a beautiful  man who could of had a better quality of life until the end. Instead my son had to watch his dad yell in pain, it's been brutal.

Ims sorry yes it is brutal . In your case a shock to . Dont worry about the way your feeling its normal we have to just do what we thinks right .i even broke up lizs lizs wardrobe so no one could put there clothes in it we all do it diffrently .but it slowly gets easier all you can do is just one day at a time get some counciling we need to talk about it like your talking to me its like emptying a bottal of grief .

So sorry for your loss it is very hard I am feeling the same lost my darling wife Penny ️ to met beast cancer on the 06 November 2019.  Just 3 weeks after be diagnosed . After suffering backache for the last few months. Grade 4 before we knew. This was happening along side my self as I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer earlier this year had Radiotherapy in June/July.  Hope life gets easier for you .

I am so sorry for your loss and all that you are going through too, it's just awful, I could never of imagined the pain and hurt I feel right now, I am truly lost without him. I hope things improve for you too, thank you for you reply.

All you can do is if you feel like a good cry don't hold back it's natural to feel upset he was your wonderful partner your heart knows that. You are showing how much he ment to you and he knows that. Like my Beautiful Penny ️ she was my world  48  wonderful Years of marriage. I am a 70 year old man I cry every day for my Penny ️ .  Thinking of you at this time Please try to strong for yourself and  your son  you need each other give him hugs and kisses . Your partner will always be in your heart  xx