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So lost without Dad

mojo3
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Hi guys. I sadly lost my Dad 7 weeks ago. He had pleural mesothelioma. Unfortunately from diagnosis to death was 20 days. Dad didn't know he had it. By the time they diagnosed it he was too frail/ agitated and we thought it best not to tell him. It's been such a shock. He had been at Gp regularly for months but no one was taking mum or him seriously. He had several falls at home due to muscle weakness and was told by Gp to stop falling over!!. My mum is now on her own. She lives 25 miles away. I've been with her as much as I can. I'm finding it so hard especially at this time of year. I'm so sad and angry he wasn't diagnosed earlier. I know it wouldn't have changed the outcome but at the very least it would have ensured proper end of life care. I want to complain to Gp practice but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I just need to be doing something x

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    Hi Mojo,

    sorry to hear your sad news about your dad ️ I’m also sorry to be in a very similar situation to you. My dad passed away from mesothelioma just over three weeks ago. He had had a biopsy in April which came back negative, he was then monitored and eventually got another biopsy in October when we got the diagnosis . It  took just over 4 weeks from the day he got diagnosed for the cancer to win . I don’t really have any advise as I feel very similar to you but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I also feel angry at the hospital, the doctors, the nurses, the whole system but I know really I’m just angry at the horrible cancer that took my dad xx 

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    Hi Mojo3,

    I'm deeply sorry to hear your story. I'm hours (maybe minutes) away from losing my own dad and my heart is about to break. And when I read your story, I see parallels:

    1) Terrible GP-ing - yep, my father's GP fobbed my father off, never thinking it could be cancer. 

    2) Terrible hospital care - my father was "treated" at a hospital that should be ashamed of its "care." I AM going to make a formal complaint - when my father has gone and when I feel ready about it.

    I can't say what you should do and won't give any "advice." I will say that from my perspective, for my situation, one of the reasons I am going to complain is to get it off my chest because I don't know if I can keep it there forever. But the other reason I'm going to complain is that I simply don't think it's right if I allow doctors/GPs/hospitals to get away with terrible care - it will cost OTHER people their lives. When I wrote a letter of complaint to the hospital about a ***-up they'd made regarding my father's last scan, the manager called me back and said SHE AGREED with me. She said I was RIGHT to complain and she encouraged me to contact the CEO of the hospital because she thought that he needed to hear about it so that the same thing doesn't happen to other people.

    As for my father's GP, one of the GPs at the practice told us recently that they would be reviewing my father's case to see where (if anywhere) they went wrong.

    So in THEORY, I don't see any reason why you "shouldn't" complain.

    My only point would be - what's most important for you right now? Is it to complain? Or can the complaint wait? 

    For me, the most important thing for a while will probably be looking after my own wellbeing and looking after my MOTHER'S wellbeing. That's what my dad told me to do when he was conscious. So that's what I'm going to do. The complaints will probably come, but at a later date. 

    Finally, I am sending you all my love and support.

    Adam

  • Offline in reply to bras1548

    I lost my mum nearly 2 months ago to pancreatic cancer. We didn't find out until just under 3 weeks before when she was taken for as she had a stroke. Weeks leading to it she developed a cough which gradually got worse, the Monday before she got taken in she saw the GP who said chest infection and gave amoxicillin. Week later after finishing the course and no better saw the paramedic who was part of the urgent care team at the health centre who said she may have heard a crackly but not sure!??! Another load of antibiotics, which she took that day and the next then was taken in for a stroke and also found blood clots on her lungs and guess no infection as they stopped the antibiotics . As she was recovering from stroke and doing very well and being very positive she went down hill. They treated her for a chest infection because we said she had one. No it was her kidneys not working properly. Took 6 days to find out it was kidneys not working properly and not chest infection. And then followed by another 2 days of scans. By then she was too weak. She died 4 days later. We have put a complaint into the health centre as 2 medical staff- 1 less than 48 hrs before being admitted misdiagnosed and failed to spot something was more serious. And the hospital for failing to kidney failure for 6 days.

    she was fit and health up until then high blood pressure which well controlled. She went to the gym 3 times a week, tai chi once a week and ate healthy. She only had her annual review for blood pressure just over a month before.

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