Thanks Paul. I find the energy thought you expressed helpful at times: "energy cannot be made or destroyed its been here since the begining of time till the end of time so ergo thats why i dont think we die in the sence of it just ends it cant"

Yep thats it adam i dont think we our soul if you like never dies i think your dad will be watching for a while to make sure your mum and you are ok because you both will . Hows He doing ?? Hes probably watching now ?? Hey dont get the idea ime religious ime not i beleive in what is not a book or what someones told me its what ive seen and ive seen some strange things after liz passed that stopped me being a skeptic .but its what you beleive 

He died this morning. When I saw his body in the morning, I screamed, rushed out of the room and burst into tears on the stairs. The only thing I want in the world right now is to be with my dad again - to turn back the clock and laugh with him, hold him, feel his warmth.

<3 I really feel for you Adam. I lost my Dad just under 13 months ago and I can totally relate. I'm so sorry about your pain. I really do wish I could flick a switch that would make it all go away, for you, and everyone else suffering due to this horrible, cruel, disease. 

Sending you all my love xx

I'm so sorry Adam. Have been following your posts and praying for you all along. I lost my mother in September and am still struggling with the same feelings. Praying hard for you now and I hope you will be able to feel your father's presence and love, still with you now and always. There is no doubt he knew and knows how much you love him.

I don't know if it will be of any comfort, but I found the words of C S Lewis helped me a little. "Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

It is only because you loved your father so very much that you feel such intense pain now. Sending much love to you and your mother, and praying you will find the strength to come through this together. 
Josephine 

Hi London88,

Thank you. I actually don't want to be in this world right now. The thought of NEVER being able to hear his laugh or see him smile or cuddle him ever again creates an extraordinary pain in my heart and soul. Been having multiple panic attacks and breakdowns (despite being on anti-anxiety medication). I just want to cuddle my daddy

A

Hi Josephine,

Thanks for your message. Frankly I've lost my world. All sense of hope, optimism and meaning. People will say: "But you have your own life to live; you can start your own family," etc. etc. But those people don't understand (or make the effort to understand) what "love of your life" means. My relationship with my father wasn't just the standard father-son relationship. He was quite literally my best friend, soulmate and love of my life. He used to kiss and cuddle me as a baby and at the end I kissed and cuddled him like my baby. 

He was taken out of his home today on a stretcher and I just screamed and collapsed. I don't want to be on this earth without my daddy

Best

A

Thanks Paul. Right now, it's numbness/disbelief followed by SEARING panic attacks and breakdowns - can be in the same hour. Some people get their daddies until they're in their 50s and 60s even. I've lost mine at a time when I needed him the most.

Hi again Adam, I'm sorry to hear that you're having panic attacks, they're horrible. I totally understand what you mean, but I can assure you it gets slightly easier, and the pain does eventually lessen and instead you'll be able to savour the memories you created together. I am not going to lie, you'll probably never be the same again, but the thing is, that's OK. Allow yourself to grief in the way that you know and can, ask for help when you need it, and don't be hard on yourself. This a significant, life-changing thing you are experiencing and there's no right or wrong way to feel. All my love, 

London x