Hi Nicole

First of all I am so sorry for your loss! I can relate to how you feel as I lost my dad on the 29th November, following a very short illness with secondary liver cancer which was diagnosed only 9 days before he passed. I am thankful I was able to be at his side until the end, although it was traumatic for us, I like to think he took great comfort from it.

I too am feeling numb and despite his funeral being yesterday I am still struggling to accept that he isn't with us anymore. I half expect him to pop by or give me a call. I too was so close to my dad and we spoke every day. I can completely agree that seeing that you are not alone in your feelings does bring comfort so although I cannot offer advice as such, I am here should you need to talk

x 

Thankyou so much I just feel broken. Life I've lost my left arm. Life is so cruel . Sorry for you loss xx

Hi Nicole, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this :( I lost my dad to cancer in 2016, and this year on the 24th November I lost my mum to cancer. Your dad will of known that you went home to see his grandchildren, that may of given him the peace he needed to go. My dad's dogs were his life and my brother told him he was going to take them for a walk, he left and shortly after that we lost him. I like to think he knew his babies were getting sorted and felt happy to go. 

It is the worst pain ever, I was there right at the end with both of my parents and whilst it does bring me comfort, it is also the thing that comes into my head as soon as I wake up :( 

You will find strength from somewhere that you didn't know that you had, for the first week I didn't want to get out of bed but especially when you have kids you have to , which isn't a bad thing.

Do you have a strong support network around you ? 

Feel free to message me anytime xx

Thankyou so much for your message back. I am so sorry that you have lost both your parents. You must be in such pain. 
maybe your right about my dad waiting for me to go, that is such a lovely thought ️
I have so much cleaning to do, the house is a mess but I have to try carry on. He wouldn't want me to be broken or upset. 

yes I have the most amazing family and friends which is great but it doesn't take the ache away that I have in my heart but I know il get there. It will just take time. X 

Hi Nicole,

I get you. I will be where you are very soon - my dad has hours (maybe 1-2 days) to live, apparently. Like you, I was (and am, for the next few hours, any way) extraordinarily close to my dad. He's been my best friend. As you say, it's devastating. I feel my soul is being destroyed, and my heart will be ripped out entirely.

As for your father asking you to help him, yep - I know that too. That's my dad has been screaming ("Help me, help me"). Of course, I can't. That we're so powerless to help is crushing.

I've found that unless I'm hearing from somebody else who has experienced the same or similar (i.e. losing the person they love most in the world in an appalling painful manner), I get no comfort. Nobody (else) gets it. 

The pain is unspeakable for me, and it sounds similar for you. As you point out, I think the only comfort (sometimes) is to be reminded that we're not alone in our experiences - we're in the same boat as others. 

I have to say I find it incredible that nobody has found a cure for (these types of) cancer yet and it seems astonishing that we human beings should have to suffer like this. But then I remind myself of people in parts of the world who've had to endure worse - some don't even have a dad for most (any) of their lives. 

Anyway, I just wanted to send out as much support as I can. You are definitely not alone in feeling the pain. God knows how I'm going to manage mine. Hopefully we'll find a way

Adam

I am so sorry. It's the worst pain in the world I won't lie to you or sugarcoat it but take a deep breath and know your dad wouldn't want you to suffer or be upset. My dad will be looking down on me now going mad for me crying and falling apart I know he would.

My dad became very agitated towards the end and it was horrible to see but I don't think that was him. I think he was already gone. My friend said the "help me" might be them asking the people they are being reunited with in heaven to help them get through to heaven. My dad also said he had enough bless him. 
 

I also find it disgusting and quite scary that there is no cure for cancer. I have two small children who have now lost their grandad and I've lost my dad and I'm angry!!! I feel like I've been robbed of him. I can imagine you feel the same way. 
we will find a way to get through this. This is why I came into this forum because I thought I really need help and comfort from people who are going through or have gone through the same. Adam please drop me a message at any time if you need a chat, the next few days will be tough so prepare yourself, be around family or friends and take 5 mins for a cuppa and chill because your gonna need it and your dad wouldn't want you to fall apart. I pray for your dad and for you. I am so sorry this is happening to so many people

Hi of course your dad will have known its nice to here i love you but we know we are loved so try and put that out of your head its its impossible to be with them 24./7 i would imagine your poor dad would not be thinking much when he cried out for help what could you do anyway just stick bye your mum a quick call first thing on a morning and last thing at night thats when it realy gets you good for both of you its a painful road your all on now but as the miles go so does the pain its something we have to suffer we wouldnt be human if we didnt but you can make it slightly easier with councilling bereavment groups just a walk in nature helps take your mum for a walk evey little thing makes the pain less severe.paul

So sorry for your loss of your Dad.       I lost my Beautiful Wife Penny ️ on the 6th November to Met Breast Cancer Penny lasted 21 days after being diagnosed. Penny was being treated for Sciatica by GP after complaining of a bad back since about mid June at the same time I was having Radiotherapy for Prostate cancer between June/July.   It was a complete shock to learn that was just a bad back was Stage 4 Mets Breast Cancer. Penny ️ was 67 Years old. The Celebration to Penny's ️ life was on 5th December. Still in shock cannot Sleep at night  not eating that we'll  just snacks. Just sit and do very little. Penny ️ was the Love of my life  she was the Strength in our marriage miss her so much  Just can't understand this year. My neighbor passed away in June of Pancreatic cancer. Les was just 62  Penny ️ did the catering for his wife after the Funeral. He lasted 11 days after being diagnosed .  I am today having councilling for Bereavement Just to see if it helps at this time I am struggling each day gets harder and with Christmas approaching. Things are not going to be easy. Penny ️ loved Christmas now she Will not be here to Celebrate it. I am in tears at the moment this is so hard being on your own. It's not easy at the end  seeing your wife pass away struggling to breath . To believe just a few months ago  Penny seemed fine . 

Hi Nicole,

Very similar feelings here - it IS disgusting that science has not found a way to cure cancer. And we ARE robbed of our loved ones in ways that shouldn't be allowed to happen, in my view. If somebody goes peacefully, at say 90 years old, having lived fully, with no pain, no suffering, just gently, then fine (well, not "fine," but better). But when they're snatched away cruelly, well before they're "done" with life, in pain, leaving regrets - NOT fine.

So yeah, lots of anger here. Mainly at the terrible treatment my dad got at a useless hospital. Partly at myself for not spending more time with him. And partly at the world ("god," if I believed in him/her), and life for dishing up pain, pain and more pain. I said to one of my best friends a while ago that there has never been a GOOD in my life to equal this BAD (in terms of intensity).

I wonder whether I'll ever come to feel that life is more good than bad (again).

Anyway, I'm sending you all the support I can. I don't know if it helps, but so many of the things you've described I've seen too (e.g. dad saying he's had enough, etc).

Your message suggests (to me anyway) that you're finding strength from some where, which is wonderful

Adam

Hi Graham,

I hope you don't mind me replying to your post, I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your wife Penny. Such a short time after diagnosis must be so difficult to comprehend.

Some of the things you wrote made me think about my dad, we were all and still are heartbroken, my mum died in September 2018 from Myleofibrosis ( blood cancer). My mum was the same, the struggling to breath at the end was devastating to see; we were told by the district nurse that mum wasn't in any distress but it was awful to see and hear.

I remember my dad's face when the week prior, the Doctor said we must prepare for 'end of life', at 55 years old, I had never seen my dad cry. How could he prepare to say goodbye to mum, they would have been married for 60 years in the December, like you and your wife Penny, theirs was a true love story. I have some understanding of how you are feeling, I guess I wanted to say that my dad over a year later is doing as well as can be expected, he's come out of that shocking rawness of initial grief.

You said about Penny's strength, my mum was strong too, maybe she knew we would get strength from each other. Life isn't the same, how can it be but we get dad out and about and luckily all the family live close by. You don't feel like eating much or even doing anything but even if it's little tasks or going out for a short walk, it's important to take care of yourself, eating properIy; I know that is so very hard and sometimes it is a moment at a time.

I hope the counselling will help and that you have family/close friends who can also give you support. It won't feel like it now and I am just a stranger saying it, but your journey will become less painful in time and I think my dad would say the same. My lovely 85 year old dad, he doesn't 'do' forums but I know he would take your hand and just understand.

Sincere condolences from me and my dad.

Linda