Well good luck cooking your Christmas dinner hope it’s eadible lol I think cheese toast with bacon on top for my dinner or maybe I’ll just sleep right through first time in 25 years we’ve not been together it still feels unreal I’ll need to snap out of feeling like this 

Hi yes it is sureal try and get up in the morning if you can put on music or telly the silence can be deafening .it will be edible ime half irish so we are experts with spuds .not so good with meat thoe .you cant snap out of it it comes slowly but is does come hold onto that thaught . One day at a time its all about breaking the cycle of it going round and round in your head your not alone just by yourself 

Hi how was your Christmas did your dinner go okay. I haven’t spoken to anyone all day just been going over and over everything in my head just need someone to tell me it does get better could I have done more to keep him here with me just can’t believe he’s gone forever 

Hi there i went through the same i knocked myself to pieces with why didnt i do more say this and that at times for the carers can realy get stressed out and acasionaly we are so tired we can sometimes get a bit short temperd hey we arnt saints who would want live with a saint anyway liz new she said a while before she had never felt loved or more cared for i keep reminding myself what more could i have done and ime sure you were the same the trouble is the more you care the more it hurts . Who looks after the carer after your just left exhausted and in a mess .but you do get that strength back but it all takes time today you asked how my lunch went a small thing but your just minutely just getting a bit of energy back you just have to keep working at it have you eaten at all . Its a pants day last night i got a bit sad 2nd xmass for me but today not so bad please at least ring and get your name down for counciling you may have a long wait anyway just making that call will make you feel like your doing something i found just paying a bill caused me stress but after a few it took that what am i going to do now feeling away a bit so have you not spoken to your daughter?? Anyway you will be with them all tom every tiny thing you do helps its dam slow but it gets easier then harder then eisier then eisier then eiser then harder and so on . It could be a better day tomorrow if you tell yourself it will . If you think tom ts going to be awfull then it will be but just take it slow tom

Thats a good idea see how you feel in the morning eh and a chat to your daughter they need you to she probably needs to talk to her mum nothing wrong with sharing greif hers is a diffrent type of grief yours is the lonelyest i dont care what they say but its not insurmountable we are diffrent after i think more understanding and dont worry as much about things that mostly never happen i read an article where they asked retired people what they wish the had done and a lot said they wished they hadnt worried so much othere than loosing a child what more painful thing can happen realy .i lost a grandchild 8 years ago to have a dead baby in your arms is something else in that your griving for them and my daughter but we can deal with anything given time that why  know you and i will be ok eventualy 

How have you been today have you spoken to anyone .did you manage to get?? out or did you deside to stay in been cold here in yorkshire am on here tonight then be not for a while just keep your chin up eh.paul

Hiya yeh went out down to my dads with my daughter and grandkids where a few of the rest of my family were so they were all supportive saying if I needed anything to let them no but the only thing I want they can’t give me. My daughter is away back to Aberdeen tomorrow but my granddaughter who is 15 is staying until Sunday she want to go to the Edinburgh Christmas market on Saturday. It’s been cold here in Edinburgh as well. Hope your operation goes well tomorrow I’ll try keep my chin up if you do the same hope we chat again sometimes 

Hi so its cold scotland eh .market sounds like a plan do you good to have someone with you we need to be alone at times but not all the time.a bit of sympathy is a tonic .yes know what you mean about one you want ive been at son and daughters today it was realy nice but ime further on so like you will be .had a bit of a low moment in the car wrong choice of music but it passed yes ill keep my chin up if you do lol .i couldnt bear to listen to music for a long time but as time went by ai started to listen to it funny ive a big motorbike yet i like motown and northern soul but ime a radish from the country so that was the only mode of transport when i was young ime not a biker but like bikes scooters as well .i think it kept me going realy that and my boat its actualy in my dinning room with a candlestick on it lol so have as good a day out as you can treat yourself to a nice lunch eh .ill catch you later . Keep coming on here theres other ladys going through what you are it can help just a quick chat .paul

Thanks for letting me ramble on and on it’s help a lot am Yep your right about music you tend to hear the words more and it can make you really down but like we said let’s keep our chins up take care