Sorry to bother you again the funeral was yesterday and now I feel so alone as now it’s real he’s gone. I don’t like to bother my family as it’s christmas and the time for families to get together but all I want is to be on my own Christmas to me is cancelled. How’d did you cope with your loss
Hi i dont worry about wanting to cancel xmass i was much the same but if you can get out to visit it may help just to call in for half an hour even a walk in the park helps today well just try and ride it out put all the lights on in your house its misrable enough with dark days try an eat some toast or yout favoirit thing even if you cant tast it will at least warm you up and just making it takes your mind off the thoughts put on a cheery film anything to stop the defening silence .ring someone a friend a close family member ime sure they will want to talk to .i wish i could suggest more i just sat there i shock for some time .have you got dressed today ???? Thats important but if you havnt try tommorow eh what are your plans for xmass ??? .
Yes got dressed my plans for Christmas are to stay at home on my own as we both went up to see the grandchildren and stayed over don’t wanna do that without him. My daughters says if I don’t go they will come down but I just don’t wanna spoil there day
Sounds like a plan.let em come you may find it a helpful distraction having them there just maybe ask them not to stay to long i found i was emotionly exhausted for some time .but being alone all the time is not good ive been invited over to my kids for xmass ime going to my friends he cant boil an egg we have done it before he buys some meat product and i do the rest sounds odd but hes been my chum for 6o years then when ime fed up of him i come home .i couldnt cope with the bedlam of young kids for hours on end etc etc? But a visits nice .do you find they never actualy go without leaving something lol then after it just picks you up a bit and they leave the house with a little bit of life and cheeryness . Hope your going to cook something just set it all up a bit of tinsel for your husbands memory what do you think to that i think he will probably be around for a while the wierd nice things that happend to me made me beleive that forget all this stuff about being in the heart i mean things just dont look for them ?? How anyone can say we are here by chance is beyond me theres more to it than chance i still talk to liz when ime on my own or going out like ime going to the shop no ime not a loon it just helps me feel ime not alone because we are not alone we are just by ourselves i dont feel lonely anymore you will feel that way eventualy ime sure . I hope a member will come along and tell you the same .
Thanks not sure about having people over I’ve said to my daughter I just want Christmas on my own hopefully she’ll do that just can’t bear to act happy when all I wanna do is curl up in a ball and forget everything new year is a wash out as well still can’t believe he’s not hear he was still working 2 weeks ago and now he’s gone am sorry to keep bothering you I’ll leave you in peace now how did you feel the first Christmas without your wife
It was not good the pain was awful felt like a nightmare but awake but i went to see grandkids i dont know but seeing them happy seemed to rub off a bit it took a long time the first thing i rang hospice spoke to cheif bereavment counciler and aranged some counciling it was awfull at first but it got eisier as the months went by liz is still in my head all the time but most of the time it dosnt hurt odd days i have a blub but i felt this rotton disease has taken the love of my life its not taking me as well sounds selfish but i looked after liz as good as i knew how and i realised i dont think anyone could have done better that realisation realy helped as the what ifs seem to go with grief the self punishment .but liz had a stroke 4 days after first chemo and sepsis took her less than two days after that like you i was stunned at the speed but i was glad it took her quick as the alternative for her would have been so much worse in fact i still try not to think of it .at the beginning i was terrified this pain was all there is but as the months went by i started to live again or function but for a while i felt her with me a strange warm feeling so i dont beleive we never truely die if you read that post from serapine 8 theres tany on here had strange things happen after .have a read if anything it will give your mind a rest because we dont think rationaly for a while as after we are emotionaly exhausted but that comes back as the pain goes . Hey dont worry about coming on for a chat i dont mind at all ime just a member sharing what ive learned being on here like you so you talk your hind legs off i did it realy helps bury yourself and it lasts longer one day at a time eh you will be ok like me we have to go on to love them even thoe there not physicaly with us they are waiting but not just yet
Hiya I read the post from serapine 8 not sure I believe in all that but I really hope it is true and I’ll get a sign that he’s still around. Before he passed I said to him to try give me a sign only something I would no then I’d no he was still there it’s just so empty in the house without him just want a sign so I no he’s okay
Hi dont look for signes its you now that has to get yourself ok yes its i horrible feeling i wish i could take your pain away that comes realy slowly as i said all you can do is one day at a time .all i can say is what happend to me and it didnt come straight away either just things happend my old tv upstairs never comes on its own it dosnt have a memory the one down stairs does it all the time.i got up in the morning switched tv off came upstaires a few times it wasnt on later on that day i came upstairs and the tv was switched on to the royle wedding now liz wasnt a roylist but i know she would have gone upstaires and watched it i would never have put that on so i left it on them for a while i felt a warm feeling like when she would roll over and put her arms on my shoulder but not a touch just a warm feeling .then telly pixolating etc etc but it took that lonelyness away i was none beleiver till now but its what you beleive realy but you have to look after yourself now get your emotional strengh back and as that comes back the anxiaty of managing on your own goes there was other things but would take to long to explain but you will be ok but you have to work at it but for you at this moment cry rant do whatever you feel its so early for you at this time if you feel like curling up into a ball do it but just dont do it all the time if you look for things then they will not come it may be a visit in your dreams finding feathers theres some that get dreams from there loved ones and there younger and heathy and why not .this world is a strange place it can be hard but magic to .paul
Hi your right I have to sort myself out first all I seem to do is think about him then it makes me cry I’ve not been on my own for 25 years don’t no where to start. Haven’t spoken to anyone for the last 2 days not gone out just been in the house looking at photos and thinking why it had to be him that got cancer and could I have done anymore to help him just wish I knew I’ve got lots of questions but no answers like you said one day at a time that’s all I can do
Hi there glad you came back on you doo sound a little bit more rational.ye it goes round and round in your head trust me you cant ca anymore like i said grief carrys this what if i beat myself up because i couldnt save liz but like you i bet we both had a dam good try eh .but if doctors cant save even there loved ones how on earth can we its such a sneaky disease. Theres a young lady on here blaming herself for not getting her partner to stop smoking dosnt sound lodgical but we dont think with logic we use our emotions you will find that out as time goes by.but just carry on what your doing now when your ready you will start to come back but when your ready not when someone tells you or how to because none of us knows how the othere feels because we are so diffrent .once you do something pay a bill anything a leaking tap the anxiaty will start to disapear but in your time just try not to become a recluse eh .p
