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I've lost my dad

Ave40
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I lost my dad in June this year to cancer. I feel completely lost without him my hero is gone.  The strongest, funnest person iv ever known and watching him slowly die infront of us all. All them moments are like they happened yesterday can't get them out of my head. I'm a mum of two beautiful girls and i feel like I'm feeling them because I'm not there mum anymore just a shell. I just do the things that need to be done and go to bed to get up and do it all again. I've pushed everyone away because a don't know how to talk to them anymore and push everything down because its too real. 

But today i woke up and i didn't want to do the school run didn't want to go shopping and felt so tired. It is the first time my on switch didn't want to be on, just get on with what had to be done. I haven't stopped crying. Its also the first time I've looked for something to help me understand my feelings.

I've been reading some people experience and how there feeling and i think its helping me understand a little bit more about my own feeling and thank you for sharing them.

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    Hi ave40, 

     

    I can relate to virtually all of your post. I lost my mum suddenly to a brain hemorrhage on the 14th june.

    It was such a shock that I think I'm still in shock even now 5 months later.

    Like you, I have pushed people away and isolated myself. I have a partner and a 12 year old daughter and I do what I have to. I look after my daughter, do the housework, go to work etc.

    I rarely smile and am permanently sad. I just cannot accept that I have lost my mum who was there my whole life. She lived with us and was such a big part of our day to day life.

    I have no interest in socialising and turn down all invitations to go out. I'm dreading xmas and avoid the high street.

    I honestly don't know how I am going to lift myself out of this depression that I am feeling.

    You really arent alone in your feelings.

    Cheryl x

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    Hi, I do know how you are feeling. I lost my wonderful Mum on 18 August 2019, it was her 81st birthday and just  over three weeks from diagnosis of advanced colon cancer that had spread to her liver and lungs. 
     

    I am having a bad few days again, just as I think I'm coping it hits me again like a ton of bricks, sometimes I feel like I want to scream. I know was I lucky to have Mum to this age as many people have lost their Mum much younger but it's never the right time to lose your Mum, especially if like me she was your best friend.

    I can't seem to get my mind to stop reliving that day in the hospital when we got the awful news, I can hear the doctors words in my head. The three weeks Mum survived were awful and I keep thinking about them and seeing her dead in her hospital bed at home. I wish I could stop my brain thinking. People say it will get easier I just hope it will soon. 
     

    It will soon be Christmas and so many things are around that keep sparking a memory and make the tears flow. 
     

    My love and thoughts to everyone going through this awfulness, hopefully we will all soon find peace in our hearts ️. Love Wendy

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