Hi NoName19, I'm so sorry for your loss, and your current turmoil. But when you say you can't grieve, really that's what you are doing. It may feel different to how you thought it would, or how other losses affected you. It's grief all the same.

As someone who worked in critical care, could I say that side rooms are not where patients are put so the nurses can get on with other things. They tend to be allocated to patients where privacy is especially respected, so relatives can have quiet time with them.

I do remember a friend, when he lost his mum, say he wished he wasn't an only child. He felt that his wife at least had her sister to be on the same wavelenght with when they lost their mum. You know what? His wife wished she'd only had herself to consider at that time. It's so hard for everyone, in different ways, to lose someone you love.

Try to take things one step at a time, There's no right or wrong. Your dad knew you loved him., just as he loved you. You can still say it, whenever you want.

regards, gamechanger

Hi my partner had a stroke and because she had had chemo they couldnt give her drugs to clear the clott she contracted sepsis and died in less than two days but you know i was releived that she would  not have the next few months slowly dieing of cancer so sometimes we hurt more but it would be worse to watch someone you love die slowly .my partner was put in a room on her own she wasnt surrounded by sick people in a ward having to close the curtains to change her its to let someone go in dignity your dad wouldnt have wanted you to see him go sometimes they wait sometime they go when people have just gone for a sandwich .im a dad and a grandad i dont need to be told ime loved people crying over me i know they do just as your dad would .you know like gamchanger said your grieving in your own way some dont cry otheres do we only see death in the media and expect it to be like on the tv but its not we can never prepare for loss but you will be ok .this guilt your feeling a lot feel that way shoulda coulda wish i had said that .a bit of advice here the worst time is when you wake up and when you go to bed just give your mum a quick call not a text a proper call it will realy help you both and see if you can arrange councilling with local hospice you can ask an expert some of these questions it hurts at first but dont wimp out as it can realy help .i lost my partner and mum and dad are gone i rang the samartans on a night ime not ashamed to admit it and ime a pretty strong person so sorry about your dad stick close to you mum and friends it all help but it dose get easier theres a post on here from sarapine8 about sighns after loss you may find it a comfort its i great post and lots have left there storys you may may find your not so lonely reading otheres storys .paul

Hey

My dad was put on a stroke ward where they couldn't treat him. He should've been in a different hospital completely where we live, where they look after cancer patients. They were "not allowed" to give him the morphine dose he had been taking so he died in pain. The staff were not sympathetic and were rude and very blunt towards our family. I agree he's not in pain now but he could've died without being in pain all together too. 

I guess I'm still in shock and it will come. I just wondered if my reactions have been normal. When I list my grandma, 6 months a go, I cried on and off for weeks. I just can't now. 

Your just worn out luv it your emotionaly exhausted it takes so much out especialy a double loss like that .if you feel the hospital wasnt very good you can complain to the patiant liason service the hospital will give you the number they will investige this for you . But wait till you get your emotional strenght back .i dont know why your poor dad was refused morphine but thinking now they didnt give my liz any but they were realy good .we get angry at everything at times .just wait a while till your feeling better griefs an illness i think and we have to get better and we do but it takes time same with your poor mum i realy sympathise with you .ime not going into detail about my losses but your def not alone on here we understand and feel for you .how is your mum??? she must be in a state as it feels like your life has stopped and your futures just gone .paul

Thanks i put a thing ahead to look forward to thats the way just to keep yourselves going till you both get stronger .best wishs paul