I'm so sorry for your loss Jassyanne.

Our members know how difficult coping with grief can be so I have no doubt you will get some support and advice from them soon but in the meantime just try to take things a day at a time.

You are not alone Jassyanne.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Jassyanne, 

First of all, may I say how sorry I am about your beloved husband. Your story is very familiar to me as I too lost my wonderfuIl husband to lung cancer. He was diagnosed after being ill for a while with stage 4 lung cancer. There was no treatment and he was having palliative care from March 2018 until the 6th October 2018, when I sadly lost him. I looked after him as best as I could but have always felt since his death that I could have done more, been more patient, fussed over him more,  but the truth is I was exhausted and frightened of what I could see was happening. I was inconsolable when he died. Mortified, we had no children, and I am an only child, and my parents are gone too. I felt alone, frightened, and basically didn't want to live. 'But here I am a year later. It has been and still is a hard road to travel. I miss him every single day, and I still cry, although not as much as in the beginning. You are in the very early days of your grief and it is so so painful, but going through that grief and suffering gradually helps you to accept the awful situation. People say you come to terms with it, well I haven't yet but one year on is still early in the grief process. People also say time heals, well again I am nowhere near healed, but I can carry out the daily basics now. It gets easier with acceptance and time brings a new normality. I feel like I have been picked up and put in a new life, one I never wanted, and one I don't want still, but the one I have be a part of. Give yourself time to grieve, anything, you say do or feel is ok. Anything that helps you get from one day to the next, or even one hour to the next, do it. Chat on this forum when you can about anything and everything. Someone will have felt the same way as you and will be able to help.

Lastly I send you my love and a cyber hug, I know how you feel. One day at a time.

All my love

Heather. XX

Thanks for replying I have been.in.a really bad place.We worked together and lived together for 24 years and were soul mates .I was not able to get any help financialy and my partner was diagnosed just after he was 65, he stopped working and claimed his state pension.Also got attendance allowance.This helped the fact our income was halved.

I did less hours ,when he passed I could get any financial help as we were not married m

I struggled to pay for his cremation and got in debt it's like a nightmare They don't tell you this we were planning on marrying but mum got I'll 18 months before my partner was diagnosed we nursed her as soon as she passed ,my partner was ill and diagnosed so we didn't marry.

I am grieving still.trying to make ends meet working and wish it would all stop .

It's a nightmare .

.

Hi its a nightmare without you struggling for cash maybe have a word with age uk i lost the love of my life be two years in april but the aches still there like johns johns lady said we care for them and witness some horrendous things and a broken heart but no one thinks about the carers we have to solder on .in my case we couldnt marry because liz would loose a massive pension but at our age it didnt matter as ime ok financialy but as soon as they pass thats it we have no rights ive put it on this site a few times about getting married .the thing is if your in dept so long as you let companys know why they will usualy be sympathetic its best to give them a ring and explain and that eventualy they will get some of there money back you should be ok if you do that it will take a lot of stress and you should feel slightly better because the pain your in will ease i find it a dull ache but its a great deal better than the purgetry we feel we are in at the begging . So try not to worry two much things have a way of working themselves out .have you thought of some counciling because i think its ihe loneliest grief of all .you need to heal yourself and get your emotional strengh back now as you will be worn out as i was i was just about on my knees . I may sound blasé i dont mean to be but i started getting ill first they thought it was protrate cancer had to wait a month for results it sort of wasnt then 4 weeks later ended up in hospital for 8 days with sepsis came out wasnt thinking straight didnt put top on paper steamer it blew of and got 4 percent burns so been going for dressings every week 3 weeks after that ended up in hospit with another massive infection i litraly had to diagnose myself then eventualy had a massive operation to remove part of my bowle or i wouldnt be here now it was horrendous but you know i realised that nothings important realy ime not telling you this for sympathy more to say you have to look after yourself the dept will take care of itself once you start the ball rolling ime sorry you lost the love of your life just hold on it does get eisier and counciling althoe not a magic bullet it helps with the lonelyness and you can get some of the questions answerd best wishs .paul