Hi i dont know why people havnt replied have you put it on the coping with loss section first of all wellcome and ime so sorry your going through this theres no mental anguish like it this rotton disease it sneaks round our blood stream and starts growning everywhere and it hides itself from our immune system it took my partner just over a year ago and i love her soul . We met in later life . I know you think this pain will last forever but it does get eisier you theres a post on here called sighns after loss from sarhapine8 you realy might find it a comfort i did .and counciling if you ring your local hospice and spk to head bereavement counciler explain and see what they can offer as loosing your partner is the loneliest of any loss and that hour a week talking to someone that understands is a lifeline its not a magic bullet and it hurts talking at the beging i think with them its there till you dont need it anymore i went for months you see the same one everytime so no explaining everytime you go .gp counciling i think you just get a limited amount . Just make sure you get out for walks ime not a walker myself but forced myself to go for walks in the park it made me feel slightly better times a healer but have to do things to heal yourself  now the emotional energie you have will be exhausted right now and you need to look after yourself a good blubs helps to once againe so sorry we all feel for you on here best wishs .paul

Hi there ..

And welcome to our safe place, where we can poor out our hearts or vent ... and know wer not alone .. these threads can pass by so quickly and don't always get noticed... so like Paulus said, so sorry ...

I know this is totally different in a way, and I'm not comparing it, but I get a divorce after 27 years .. and was in my 40s .. I had to learn about paying bills, earning enough to keep a roof over our heads .. and the doing things on my own .. mowing the grass .. fixing the tap .. changing a bulb .. being on my own after all those years .. so in that I remember how low I got ..  everything changed ...

All we can do is take one day at a time ... I had the grandkids that helped so much .. but every day was a struggle ..  yours is far harder then mine, because you also have the grief ... Paulus lost his soul mate a year and a bit ago ... he came on here just like you, feeling lost ...

There's no easy way round .. it's about reaching out to anyone and everyone who offers a hand .. and like learning to walk when a toddler, your doing it all over again .. one step at a time, holding on .. and one day at a time .. if you ask for councilling.. there's McMillan or cruse ... ask your G P what's in your area .. but your not alone .. so many on here, have lost loved ones .. and like paulus , I too believe they look over us .. we get signs when we don't look for them .. but if you do get one ... believe ... too many poo poo it as chance .. too much has happened sinse I lost my mum .. 

But I've found holding grief in and "being brave" helps no one, it just all poors out when you least expect it and it's overwhelming... let yourself have sad days .. cry / vent and yell at that crule cancer .. then stand up and take another step .. just need to balance out both .. and if your kids ask how you are, tell them it's still really painful and a struggle ... 

But come on in .. join in ... you'll find lots of threads that may help you .. I'm here most days ... we can't take it away, but we can listen and understand... sending a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

Thank you so so much for responding, it’s just knowing there’s someone there with similar experiences and just to chat to x

we have his funeral tomorrow and it feels like I have to let him go all over again... it’s so bloody hard especially as all he lived for was the simple things like me and our kids x

Thank you so much again for replying it means so much x

Hello there, I am so sorry to read of your husband's death. I see you have been welcomed by two of the most lovely and supportive members of this forum. Certainly two kind souls who helped me through the early days of my bereavement.

I can feel your pain, your sorrow and your loneliness. It takes me back to November 2018 when I lost my beloved.

nothing anybody says or does is going to make you feel any better. Luckily you are surrounded by people who will love and support you but very, very sadly this is something you are going to have to face yourself. That isn't to say that others won't walk alongside with you, they will but everybody's grief is unique to themselves. I can tell you, nearly a year on that for me Steve's loss is still sometimes unbearable, but I am learning to live with his memory rather than his presence. I thank my lucky stars to have had him in my life for 33 years and I thank those same stars that Stephen died at home quickly and relatively painlessly. it seems like an odd thing to say but he was so poorly, as all our loved ones are when they die of this God awful disease, that death was really the only  release and a kindness in the final analysis.

you will have moments when you can't, and don't want to breathe. You will have moments when you think you are coping and you will have moments when you are so numb that nothing seems to touch you. All of this is normal.
 

Slowly, if you are anything like me, you will find the space between meltdowns gets longer and the meltdowns are easier to control. You will start smiling at things that make you cry now and you will start seeing a glimpse of the future but for the moment Please, please allow yourself to feel however you need to feel. Take each day as it comes, focus on getting up in the morning, getting through the day and getting back into bed. And if that is too much take it one hour at a time. Every minute survived in these early days is a mini triumph! There is no rulebook here. This is your grief, he was your husband, your love, your loss. Be kind to yourself. And please, for his sake, take care of yourself.

Ruth 

Hi

You post is so accurate. Lost my mum in July. Grief and coping, well there is no manual for how it should be. Different for everyone. Some days I feel that nothing has happened or it has happened to someone else. I feel guilty if I laugh at something, thinking it not right that I should find pleasure in something. Then other times I struggle to get through the day. Periods of feeling so down and can't stop crying. Worried sick about my dad. Lots of guilt about not being there when she passed (lived 2 hours away) visited for regularly and cared for mum. Feel I let her and dad down. But mostly struggling. 

Hi

thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for everyone's loss. This a lovely place to vent and support each other and also talk about our loss that perhaps at this particular time we can't share with relatives or friends. Although, friends of ours have been incredible and are a huge support to me. But I don't want to always burden them. Although not normally a church goer, I attended a Service for the bereaved at my dads church on Saturday. We sat in groups with a facilitator and talked about our loss with other people going through the same. Not a religious thing, just people talking about their loss and how they are coping. Was very helpful to my dad, sister and me. Perhaps not for everyone. The lemon drizzle cake was lovely though. I am also in my 50s. Mum was only 72. I am so glad I found this place. Just kind, compassionate and supporting words. Thank you. Xx

Read Nichols Evans'  "If I should be the first of us to die"

the footprints in my heart say it all

Read If I be the first of us to die by Nicholas Evans.It is so calming

I like "when I die I want your hands on my eyes"by Pablo Neruda. He talks of his wish for his wife to carry on while he waits for her asleep. Very, very beautiful x