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Losing my mum

Jojo12345
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Has any else found that the pain of losing their mum has become worse over time?? What do people do to cope with this??

i lost my mum to cancer when I was 11 (now 18) and maybe it was just because I was still a child but at the time I managed to keep myself busy and carry on but as I've went through my teen years it's go so much harder to cope. I find myself upset more and more and just the littlest things remind me of her. I also find it hard seeing others have a close relationship with their mum it's almost like I'm jelous but I had that and now it's gone. 

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    Hi jojo sorry no ones replied maybe its time you got yourself some counciling if you find the local hospice number there will be one local to you ime sure be on the web have a word with there head counciler they will advise you on what to do its a post code lottery as how long you may have to wait may realy help as now your an adult and your opening up at such a young age its so difficult to process you may have what they call complicated grief like your stuck plus 18 your probably under a lot of strain now and not having your mum there will not help i cannot imagine the effect its had on you not so easy to talk to dads they tend to be very black and white . Theres  a few young adults on here and older ones that have blanked it out and then it comes back and hits them its a process we have to go through is grieving it sucks but thats it now. Maybe your starting to grieve eh theres allso the cruse bereavment helpline you can chat to them and get advice and litriture as your not alone but dont worry your not the only one and not abnormal your just stuch a bit its a lonely road but the road does end but counciling and things will get you through hey ime the same when i see couples not jelouse maybe a bit but sad and cheated as it was my partner i lost .but keep checking otheres will come along soon dont think know one cares because we do as we have or are going through loss  your in a sort of club now no one wants to be in but dam glad we are you can have a word with your gp  but they tend to offer 6 counciling lessons were as hospice in the one went it was months till i didnt need it .you can ask all those questions youve often wonderd about and most councilers are female so you can probably relate to them better you ladys tend to be in a club us guys are excluded from sorry your suffering but with a bit of help your life will start to be happier it should be the best time of your life not like me like a creaking gate as i said to a young lady on here i saw the first episode of coronation st ha ha she couldnt believe it .paul

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    Hi there ...

    And I'm so so sorry your thread passed by ... lots do as there's so many sometimes it gets lost in the mist ... and I wanted to chat you  younger ones, as I've had my family with losses and l understand a bit more how children grieve ..

    From my view, children seem to have a coping mechanism, like they can cry, and say they are missing someone, then 15 minutes later, they can go and do and think something completely different ... and it's like they have it right .. that's what us adults wish we could do .. but the pain is there 24/7 with no let up ..  my little nieces aged 7 and 10 lost their wonderful step dad .. suddenly .. and the 10 year old started going to friends and not wanting to go home .. l went and chatted to her .. listened to her .. she said she loved him so much, that every time she walked in the house everyone was so sad, and everywhere was people crying and she couldn't cope with her pain and everyone else's.. so she went to friends to try to be "normal" for a while ..

    Then a 17 year old who lost her mum to cancer, over two years .. was at College... she started partying .. while at home her dad was drinking to block it out .. and they ended up grieving totally separate.. over time , I got them to listen to each other, and slowly they started grieving together ..

    So you hunny, were stuck there .. and you did what your young brain told you to do .. and somehow you coped ... but then as you grew to a young woman .. your adult brain kicked in .. like my nieces and my friends daughter .. it all came crashing down as they grew .. and then it was overwhelming.. and like paulus said , they needed councilling... and if you can reach out, to cruse or McMillan.. or anyone that can help you contact that child brain to the adult brain .. and now your doing the adult grieving ... 

    It's o.k to feel angry now .. it's o.k to think life wasn't fare ... it really wasn't... as now is when you need her most .. and I'm sure she's looking over you now and so proud of that child she had to leave too early .. it's our worst fear ... it's o.k to cry .. or rant .. and it's o.k to smile or laugh at life ... because now look in the mirror... she's right there .. you are half of her .. she'll see through your eyes .. and she'll be right there tucked up in your heart .. you carry her with you .. like I carry my mum .. 

    Sometimes I write her a letter when there's something I want her to know  ... and address it to heaven and post it .. and you know although I'm 65 now, I still believe in miricals .. and who knows , just maybe she'll get to read it ..  but either way it's got me through 30 years of missing mum ... 

    Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie  

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