Hi i read your othere post sometimes it takes a while for people to see posts to replie did your dr ara ge counciling it can realy help if not the best counciling is done via your local hospice have a look for your local one and ask to spk to the head councilor and explain they are the best as they deal with tragedy's like your dad every day just to talk to friendly face is a real help it hurts at first as  your opening up wounds but it gets much eisier i know your strugling but just try to find that bit of energy to call . The samaritans can be very good it helped me at times when i was laid in bed and it pressed down on me it does get eisier and you may feel your going mad but griefs like that your not thoe but somwhere we get the strenght to get through it theres a post on here were lots of people have had strange things happen after the death of a loved one our physical bodies may die but the energy stays till the end of time thats science talking not me have so read its called sighns after death  you may find that a comfort you see your dads still around you we cant see energie but we know its there i cant comment on your friend he must have been realy suffering but generally they never show any sighns and we are left with the feeling of why didnt we see it coming but it was his choice which is better than most have on here its a funny world theres things we will never understand or are ment to try not to be on your own to often and dont try to think about the whys and things just take one day as it comes it does get easier but it just takes time and what you do with that time .paul