Hi Loulouuu I am so sorry you lost your Mum at such a young age. Memory kicks in about age four so you don’t have so many years worth of memories to draw on as other people. That’s probably why they remember more and of course if you look like her they will be seeing her memory in her lovely daughter. It’s good that you look out for your sister, however you are still a child yourself and not her Mum so you can’ttake all that responsibility on.

You sound really sad and I hope you have someone to talk to about how you feel. You don’t mention who looks after you, however I think you need to talk to your Dad or maybe a friendly teacher at school or a school counsellor if there is one. Sometimes when people die we don’t cry...it all gets bottled up because we are scared of the feelings and we go numb instead, but that’s just a coping mechanism and normal. Memories fading is also normal so don’t be thinking you are bad! My Dad passed away a couple of weeks ago and already I can’t always conjure up his face in my mind and I had him all my life. He was eighty four when he died.  

So please don’t be giving yourself a hard time and do start talking about these sad feelings and guilty feelings to someone you trust.  Sending love and a big virtual hug xx

Thank you for this. It means a lot and to knwo that you are going through something as well makes it feel more meaningful so thank you for replying. I don't tend to talk to people about this sort of stuff and yes I live with my dad now but he isn't the best at listening and I don't want him to think he is a useless father. Prayers for you and your father and rught back at you with that virtual hug. Thank you x

Hello Loulouuu

 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Talking about your feelings will help it's hard at first but that's all part of grieving process. I'm sure your father won't think that. Talking to our loved ones or anyone else you think you can talk to too will help you, don't leave it bottled up that's what I did for a long time when I lost my dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.

best wishes xx

Hi of caurse your not a bad person .your brain blocks out a lot of pain to stop you going crackers i cant remember a lot of things but itcomes back just because its its  five years time means nothing with grief trouble is false guilt comes with grief and it isnt real but it feels it .did you have any counciling sounds like youve got stuck but ive read it can be helped you said you find it difficult to talk but if you go to your gp he can help and it may make you feel better your like a bottle full of grief if you dont emty that bottle it will always be there empty it and theres the ways a bit left in which we can all deal with you may be suffering from delayed grief it must be awfull ime not a dr just someone who has lost many familie members and my partner each time the grief was there but diffrent you keep talking you sound like your mum from what people you said say to you so you must be ok  but please go to your gp if your computer literate google complicated grief you may see yourself in it but it needs an expert to diagnose as its similer to depression just tell yourself your a good person and eventualy that part of your mind thats punishing you will eventualy beleive you and stop theres a lot of us going on in our brains it happens so take the bit bettween your teeth and ring the dr make a double apointment rheres also the cruz bereavement helpling its free they will help they will send you literature but inevitbly you need to get help its its there waiting to help you but if you dont tell anyone how will the know so sorry your going tgrough this agony imdoesnt sum up the pain of loss othere will be along to help just let it out .paul

Hi again

Dad's tend not to be the best at listening :) but that doesnt mean you shouldnt give him a chance...even if you go to a friend or another relative or a teacher first! He wont think he is a bad Dad. He will just be sad you are struggling. I agree with all the comments encouraging you to speak to someone. I know it is difficult but it really really does help and its definitely better than everything being stuck in your own head and you just going over and over it by yourself. When I get stuck with emotional stuff I talk to other people and have been to counselling as well. You are f course already talking to someone by posting here :) :) :)and that has helped a little bit?  Take care honey and no blaming yourself for the way you feel. xxx