Lost my Mum over a month ago now..

My Mum had Lung Cancer. Last year she was taken into hospital with a suspected Stroke and then they found she had Lung Cancer which had spread to her Brain. They said she had months, but she battled on for just over a year. I drove an hour and a half to go take her to treatments, and look after her. It's always just been me and Mum. She was my best friend.

When she was in hospital last month, I was in work and got a phone call to say she didnt have long left. But before I could even leave the town I live in to come be with her, she had gone. I felt so guilty she died without me there. 

At first I cried a lot. Then I felt numb. At the funeral I didnt really cry, and everyone said I was so strong.

Now I'm back in the room I rent and go to work as usual. But my emotions are all over the place. I get sad for very brief periods, and very depressed. I feel nothing most of the time. My main concern is that I dont feel sad enough.. I feel like I should be in pain more but I'm not.

Is there something wrong with me? Or does anyone else feel like this? She was my world and without her.. I dont know what to do anymore.

Apologies for the rambling.

  • No theres nothing wrong with you at all we cant cant be with our loved ones 24 /7 the thing is cancers so unpredictable like you said with your mum she lasted so much longer .guilts seems to go hand in glove with grief i think its its one of the most painful things but its not real trouble is we need something to blame but can ers not human so the facet of our brain blames ourselves you did the best you could your mum would know that and realy isnt that what realy counts . Next time thoes black thoughts come in your head think of the lovely things you did. Its only 4 weeks your going to feel numb for a while yet see if you can arrange some counseling with the local hospice a kind friendly face that understands will realy help in the months to come but dont worry your just being normal .paul

  • Hi

    I was in the same boat as you. I lost my dad on the 19th of September after only 6 days of knowing he had cancer. It had spread from his stomach to his liver, lungs, spine and lymph nodes. 
     

    At first I was soooooo mad. Mad that it had gone unnoticed for so long before it was to late. Then it was nothing, no crying no upset, it was like subconsciously I didn't believe it. I was the same as you I was worried something was wrong with me, I kept myself busy helping with his funeral and whatever els just pushing him out my mind as soon as my dad popped into it. But that didn't last long.
     

    But now I'm grieveing. Like really bad, I can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop feeling guilty that I didn't push him more to go to hospital when he was in so much pain, any bad thing that I ever said, just that I'll never see his face or hear his laugh again. It seems like all day every day I'm trying so hard to stop myself from breaking down, it seems every last little thing reminds me of my dad, songs, pictures, even things that had no meaning to him now I can find some way for it to relate to him, every we're I turn I can't get away from it.
     

    I think it's called complicated grief and as far as I'm aware it's normal, if not we're in the same boat.

     

    feel free to message me if u need any support 

     

    xxx

  • I feel your pain , there's no rules on how to grieve . I lost my mum 2012 also to lung cancer . And I'm still grieving now , it's hard to let go at first . You have the regrets the anger . It's all normal . In beginning I couldn't cry but once the tears started it's hard to stop them . No pain like it am so sorry for your loss . Big massive virtual hugs to you . x