Hi so sorry your still struggling you know theres lots of help out there but you sound like your more than just struggling sounds like you may be slipping into depression but it needs an expert to decide that its you need to make an appointment with your gp as soon as possible show him or her the post you put on to us ime certain they can arrange help your in a hole your not going to get out of without a bit of help .its never to late for bereavment counciling the best is your local hospice if you ring ask to speak to head counciler explain what your going through and see what they can offer if you dont the alteratives horrible .you will be like this next year but you dont have to be i know your probably emotionaly exhausted but please try and get help just a couple of phone calls will set the ball rolling to you recovering ime no stranger to grief as ime much older and i felt like you but i knew if i didnt do something i would be the same as ive lost all my family and my partner not that long ago but the help i got realy helped. You can ring the Samaritans anytime just chating to someone with a kind voice can help anything you do yourself will make you feel a little bit better see if you can muster the energie tom to ring gp dont put it off . Keep chatting on here to we need sympathy but in your case advice on what to do is more helpfull .best wishs paul