Recently lost my dad to cancer . He wasn't in my life very much left when I was 4. I have a terrible past in and out of prison spending 14 years total I'm now 32 and on latest release I wanted to get to know my dad through choice rather than being brought together through illness/guilt after arrangments were made to meet my father and things were going so well and BANG two weeks latere diagnoised terminally ill and few weeks there after administered the driver and passed in front of me. Any advice on how to deal with what I'm going through and how others managed would be a blessing. I'm hurting the most iv ever hurt and if spent Xmas bdays in prison from a very young age and that hasn't had any effect compared to the loss of my father. I struggle to speak to family as its a torn split divided family and are all too busy arguing or slagging one another off. Iv got my half sister who my dad fathered from birth till he's passing and she's not burying his ashes with his mum as he wished and says its not my fault my dad loved me and was there all my life I'm not ready to let go and its been three months since the service.  all these emotions the torment and still not having a place to pay respect to my dad is changing me as a person I don't know how it just is I used to have a haircut every three four days shave all time now I'm four months without a haircut forget to wash and eat with no  understanding why.  Is it grief I don't know any guidance or advice as to how to identitfy what I'm going through would be appreciated .