Hi ime sorry your going through this bereavment counciling may help did me if you ring your local hospic ask to spk to the head counciler and explain how you feel and what they can forget all the others offerd these people deal with death every day i went for months drs counciling you get so many sessions and thats it .these it was as long as i needed . The samaritans are pretty good  you see talking is the best way to get through this just keep talk inagine your a bottle full of grief you pour it out and most of the griefs griefs gone theres tlway a bit left but you can cope with  at this moment you will still be in shock and numb and lost as a policeman you probably have seen death but its not the same .theres the  cruz bereavment line and mcmillan line to in my case i lost the love of my life ive allso losst mum dad a grandson so ime no stranger to grief .all you can do is just take one day at a time if you feel like blubbing dont hold it in just do it .you will get through it grief changes slowly just keep talking be around family as much as you can sorry can only suggest what i did and it helped me its been 14 months now and ime now starting to live again still hurts at times everyone thinks they will never cope again but they do we can cope with anything but it bloo.dy hurts and it takes time shakespear said everyone  thinks they know how to deal with grief till they go through it themselves so take no notice of people saying toughen up or get a grip its not helpful one day at a time is all you can do .best wishs paul

Hi Jack, I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandad. Cancer is just such an awful disease and end of life doesn’t seem to be at all easy. 

My Mum has terminal cancer and is near the end of her life, until Sunday when she was admitted to hospital She was being cared for at home by my Dad who also has cancer, my sister and I. I don’t think there is any set pattern to grief and feeling as you do is perfectly normal, in my family I am the fixer and doer who sorts everything out and it feels although I am dying inside watching my Mum deteriorate, It is heart wrenching to see the ones we love suffer and particularly difficult not to be able to do much to ease their passing. I think it is especially difficult for those of us who are used to be able to fix things and make things better.  I find myself with tears pouring at the most inopportune moments, shopping seems to be the favourite at the moment, probably because I’m trying to be strong in front of my parents, I know that my  friends and family are grieving too and I don’t wish to add to their sorrow by appearing unable to cope, I am trying to be strong for them.

I recently retired from the Police and I know that if you contact occupational health at work you can receive help in the form of counselling which is free for 6 sessions, if you subscribe to the convalescence home fund you can access counselling via them too, usually your Doctor will refer you. You can also receive counselling from your local mental health team, again via a referral from your Doctor. Most large hospitals have bereavement centres and groups where you can go and talk. There will also be local to you various bereavement charities and groups you could join. If you are religious, your local priest, vicar, mullah, rabbi etc can help, if you don’t wish to talk to anyone in person there are the Samaritans or online forums like this one where people are willing to help if they can and are usually going through something like what you are feeling.

Please do talk to someone, those of us in high stress jobs especially when dealing with potentially volatile situations need to be able to remain professional and grief and stress can affect this. 

I am happy to talk if you need an ear.

Please know that you are not alone, sending hugs and best wishes x