Hi there ...

Oh my poor you .. what a dilema ... in life there are a few people who need to do caring things .. they think they are helping , but really they are adding to it ... 

Years ago I lost my amazing dog I'd had from 6 weeks till 14 .. he'd got me through lots of traumas , he knew exactly how I was feeling .. well this "friend" came in and wouldn't go .. I wanted to scream those words we can't say on here .. 

Sinse then I've tried to learn gentle honesty with people .. when I want to say NO .. I say sorry no ... when I don't want to do something .. I say sorry l can't.. no big explanation .. so when I say yes, I mean yes I want to ..

You sound like the early me .. some people don't/won't  take a hint .. you need to practice a line untill you feel comfortable with it ..

"I aprieciate all your trying to do for me .. but right now I need space ... l need time to myself ... I will let you know when I feel ready to chat again ... but please respect this is my grief and I need to process it my way"  then don't get into a conversation ... if she gets funny and says she's only trying to help, and goes off in a huff ... fine .. she's not a real friend then anyways .. if she does what you ask .. then she really is a good buddy .. and later when your ready .. you can call her .. and do it on your terms ..

I've learned lots through the years .. the hardest lesson I learned was saying NO ... but oh my, I'm so glad I did ...  sending you a vertual hug... you can always come on here to vent or chat ... we've all been there ..  Chrissie  

My advice is to show/tell her a slightly sanitised version of this post.

Is her friendship (which is actually having a negative impact on you right now) worth more than the cost of her potentially being offended and ending it because you are honest with her?

True friends will have your best interests at heart. 

Thanks Billy, really appreciate the advice 

thanks for the advice. She is a good friend but we have always struggled with the extrovert/introvert differences between them. She also has never suffered a loss and I’m finding it increasingly hard to listen to her tell me what I should be doing or how I should be feeling. But you are absolutely right, if she is going to be offended because I am doing what I need to survive than I need to take a look at our friendship 

I couldn't have put this better myself. There is no line of comeback any reasonable 'friend' would assault you with. If they cannot accept the above...well inho silence is golden...until...or IF you are ready x

Hi your friiends right about throwing yourself into work you do that and it will come back and hit later i think your lucky to have soneone like that that cares about usuely its the othere way round you realy find your true friends when you lose a loved one frienda like that dont grow on trees going in in yourself will make your pain last longer but having said that just be straight with her ahe may get upsett but if you say you need time alone she will not desert you or hope she dosnt.usualy introverts and extroverts steady oneanother just take it easy dont overdo it at work or you will end up with mental exhastion as grief realy saps your mentle energy your right shakspear said everyone kows how to deal with grief till they have to  go through it themselves sorry about your loss ive been there many times myself ime no stranger to grief or loss and althoe i dont know what you yourself are feeling but you have my sympathys realy in the end it all works out but you have a long way to go maybe try some counciling you will have questions that councilers may be able to answer and sonetimes whatever our characters are we all need help and support no matter how we deal with it 

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father Gabrielle21.  I lost mine to small cell lung cancer in November last year.

I experienced something similar in that a 'friend' became overbearing in the build up to my Dad's death which upon my requesting privacy and space, her frustration culminated in aggressive messages and FB posts, verbal and physical bullying from both her and her husband on the day of his death and thereafter.  It finally stopped last month when they were asked to leave a shared space where we would see each other most days.

Although I explained my position politely about needing some privacy and space to spend time with Dad and grieve in peace, I had no control over her behaviour except to completely ignore it.  The lesson I learned was that she wasn't a true friend at all because all of my other friends, respected my request.

I obviously let her 'friendship' go.

I think you've already made a start by asking her to back off and the best advice I can give is to keep being honest with her about your feelings and not feel guilty for it.  Perhaps ask a mutual friend to have a discrete word with her.  It's not your responsibility to have to worry about her feelings, you have your own feelings and grief to put first which I can't stress the importance of.  Having to deal with such nonsense has no place when you need to be grieving for your father; I didn't take any compassionate leave from work and that helped me through, everyone is different.

Take care

My advice for your friend would be: It may even help writing it down and sending it to her.. 

I am processing a lot of emotions in my head to which I hope you will never have to experience for a very long time.  I respect you for trying to be there for me but please respect my need to be alone during this painful time. When I need you I hope you will still be there for me but for the moment I need you to give me the much needed space that I need to go through my mourning process.  

I hope this helps, sometimes it is easier to speak to strangers, we are always here for you x