I’m losing my dad whom I love soo much!!!

I’m crying as I’m writing this my dad was diognosed with non Hodgkin lymphoma B cell cancer back in 2016 just after Christmas.As a family we helped him through on a daily basis looking after him cooking cleaning supporting him threw his chemo radiation.However reality is now starting to truly hit us we thought we had done hope but the doctors have just told us that he has not not responded two the last two chemo we have given him and so it’s not possible to take him for his car t therapy which was supposed to give us all some hope and now the cancer has spread so vicoucly everywhere and even gone to his brain so in short words they can’t really do as much now.

today the doctors are going to try a new set of drugs on him and going to try chemo again on Monday too see how his body reacts however if it doesn’t and the cancer won’t go then it basically means that’s he’s dieing.I love my dad soo soo much I can’t live without him it’s litterly killing me slowly I have kids and try to put a brave face on but I can’t I haven’t slept in days gt severe anxiety and I feel like m losing it he’s in hospital at the moment with my mum and I’m back at his house and every time I go pass his room r in garden where he loved doing bbq I would have a serious break down and start crying I love him soo much I don’t know what to do and how will I live without him.

  • Hi marion, we will survive this. We had our bad news yesterday about my mum. I never knew that you could cry so much!

    What I know at the moment is that I can't stop this, and all I can do is help her. There are some practical things  which I am concentrating on in the next few days, but I know I will have to face it. I'm not  strong, but I am determined, I will cry, but with what little.time I have left with her, we will have some smiles, as I know afterwards it will help me.

    No one can predict how you are going to feel, cope with this. But we all will survive, we have to for our mum and dad. Its what they want.

    Take care on your journey.

    Kelsa

  • I know I wish you well it's almost been a year for me and I still can't stop crying I'm trying  not to go into depression but life has changed so much and I can't cope I miss my dad I miss my old home where we used to live my family everything I keep getting anxiety that if something happens to my mum as well I will be severely depressed I just wish I could go back on in time.

  • Im sending you all my love.

    my dad was diagnosed in 2014 with terminal gastric cancer. We went through opertations and chemo I don't even know how many times. For 6 years it completely consumed me. I went to bed every night scared incase I missed the call that I so needed to take and I woke up every morning thinking will it be today. He was my absolute best friend and I wrote something very similar to what you have only months ago. I didn't think i would live a second longer than he did because it broke my heart to even think about life without him. I lost him on May 1st and it's been honestly the worst months of my life but I'm here still breathing and moving. I have kids and I'm 25 I didn't expect it to be this way and it's ok to not be brave some times I tried for so long now the kids see me hurting and they tell me when they are hurting too. I'll pray for your dad and for you, I won't say everything will be ok because I know how much I hated people telling me that but just know if it's not ok, you'll get through it one day at a time
     

    I have my dads finger print on a necklace and I never take it off, it makes my day a little easier and I use the phrase from Winnie the Pooh (How Lucky I Am To Have Something That Makes saying goodbye so hard) it makes me grateful for what I had instead of resenting what cancer has taken from me

     

    cait x