Hi dont blame yourself and keep coming and asking questions your not alone you know we all get these rotton feelings guilts one of the worst things with grief your these feelings your getting is false guilt its its only been such a short time for you .i can tell you ime a dad to three and wow have they given me stick in the past but heaven help anyone that tries to hurt me they would be at em of caurse your dad will have known you all loved him we can feel love but try not to knock yourself out over it all you did what you knew how and thats good enough forget that you went out i was in greece when my dad died i felt awfull but you cant put your life on hold i certainly wouldnt want mine to in the months to follow you will figure it out in your head keep asking questions on here the others will tell you the same as me .