My sister has recently been told that she has secondary breast cancer in her liver, we've been told she only has months. She's my best friend, she's my go to, my children utterly adore her how am I meant to handle this? I remember, when we were young, looking up at my parents and believing that when you were older you just knew how to cope with things, well, I'm. 38 and the reality is I've clearly missed some all. Important training along the way as I'm just in pieces, im. So flipping angry that this is happening, life is so unfair. My children are too young to know or understand what's happening and right now are more worried about mummy and the fact that mummy keeps bursting in to tears. I try so hard do not do it when they are around but sometimes it's just so hard to hide it. So in short, I'm. A pathetic adult and an even more useless mummy .
I keep. Clinging to the idea that maybe when they said months it could be 12,maybe even 18... But then I look. Up secondary liver cancer, I stupidly watch coronation Street and I console a friend with a relative in the same boat and I know I'm kidding myself. Secondary breast cancer that moves to the liver seems to mean not long . I'm. Laying in bed wide awake as I have been every night since I was told listening to my husband snoring, thinking of how she must be feeling, scared for her and scared for my nephew but scared for me - selfish I know. My heart is broken, my world is going to change forever my childrens lives will too as frankly a bit of mummy will die too the day she leaves us.
She's a strong old mare, I've promised to try and not breakdown when I'm. With her, she doesn't want sympathy, and I guess needs our strength to help her have the strength to face this. But what on earth can I do? She doesn't want people to know so I can't throw myself in to some fundraising thing to get her to do things that she would love to but can't afford. I can't throw myself at her and be a constant figure, she's got children and a partner that need time with her. Everyone says "just be there" easy to say but not so easy to actually do! Take photos.... Lots.... Well what person wants those photos? Who wants to look at photos in some countdown to death? I want to wind the bloody clock back, I want to have more fun with her, have the evenings out that we promised we would but time, life, children all got in the way. Most importantly I just don't want this to be happening, not to me, my family or anyone. Cancer you are a cruel beast and if you better not dare try and get me next.
