Hi it happend to me and my liz she had her first chemo monday massive stroke friday and died  of  sepsis sunday 4 am like you i was stuned but so glad or the alterative was she may have lived a few months or weeks and died in pain .tell your dad from me it would not have matterd what he did goodness if drs cant save there own loved ones how could he did your mum have diabetese a quick shot of glucogon  would have brought your mum back her poor body will have been worn out like my lizzie this rotton disease its so unpredictable the oncologists can only guess and mostly its wrong . You can make appointment to see and spk to drs just make a list . Your dads going to blame himself for all sorts but eventualy he will figure it out in his head that there was nothing he could have done unfortunatly we all  get the what ifs i wish i had done that said this it goes with grief i had same you and your dad did all you could and sounds to me like you did a lot and your mum will have known that and you know thats all that realy matters dont you think ? Just take it slow stick with your dad dont overthink this you cant figure it out cancers unfathomable  so sorry about your mum your poor dad will be in torment right now .paul

Paul thank you for your kind words they really help

No mum wasn't diabetic and apart rom the day before had been eating quite well . She was very conscious that eating was very important even if she wasn't hungr . She had a big streak dinner at a restaurant on Saturday. 

I will tell my dad what you've said. It will give him comfort

Sorry for your own loss 

Laura x

Thank you laura .i only mentiond diabetes because of low blood suger they give people an injection of glucagon it makes liver release glucose into blood stream brings people back quick . Yes please mention it to your dad we are programed to protect our familys and we feel lost when we cant .we all get the guilt its because we dont have anyone to blame so we blame ourselves crazy isn't it but we feel it none the less but its false guilt ime sorry your going through this you seem so caring for your mum and dad bet there proud of you i would be .best wishs paul

Hello Paul

mums cancer was in her liver and all her major abdominal organs including kidneys.  In my mind it was a  classic perfect storm, she probably had an infection as well masked by all the meds and her poor little body just couldnt regulate her hormones and chemistry. Her blood pressure was always super low, and they couldnt canulate her in the bed so i dont think they got the glycogen in. But the doc at the hospital said they gave her something to sort the low blood sugar. 

I was so stunned at the hospital that I didnt ask all the questions I now have. I just want to say something that will put my dad’s mind at rest that it’s not his fault.

L x

Hi yes same happend to liz low bp temp drop she had sepsis chemo and drugs wiped out her immune system and sepsis ran wild i blamed myself for not seeing it coming but it  i checked her temp half an hour before the stroke sepsisi started after the stroke not at home.tell you what i did i rang the cruck nurse on here told her my fears she put me right rang hospital they rang me back .didnt see lizs gp because they cant discus it .your best bet is make a double appointment with your gp with your dad and then your dad will get the answere from an expert that will realy make you and him feel so much better but in the end you and he will work through it and some bereavement counciling may realy help i think the more you love the more guilt we feel .heres and example liz used to always sleep with a hankie in her hand she was 67 had done since childhood as soon as she got there in the rush i just followed ambulance when she got to to the ward i got her a handtowle put it in her hand well later she manage to tell the nurses she wanted her own nighty and stuff. remember she could barely speak so later when my son came i rushed home got her stuff and brought some hankies but i was so stressed out and tired i forgot to give her one . Now heres how the guilt is for months hearing me talking you would think i had commited a cardinal sin now how ilodgical is thats thats how your dad will feel now but i realise now no one could have looked after her as well as i did to the point where some of the nurses asked if i was a retired nurse .but i needed to be told by experts that nothing i did would have made any diffrence .let your dad read this maybe dont take no for an answer he needs to be told this it will make the geief a bit less painfull for you and him you know the strongest of us need a bit of help and i consider myself in that catagory . You can get advice from all these places theres lots of kind people on here who have been through this and in the public domain that are only to happy to help esecialy the ones who have been through it its cancer took your mum and how lucky she was to have you and your dad not everyone gets that .its been over a year now for me and althoe i still struggle ime learning to live again like you and your dad your not alone your just by yourself a big diffrence look a some of the signs on here about things people have expeianced after loosing a loved one you may find it very comforting and enlightening .paul

I think Paul has hit the nail on the head. Cancer is an unfathomable cruel illness. None of us know how to deal with  it or beat it or treat it.  So how could your lovely dad know that this was going to happen.  None of us want our loved ones to die. Every decision we make for them. My mum was ill with bad back for 4 months. Xrays clear. Then a horrendous chest infection which drs gave her antibiotics.  She collapsed Monday August r  19th. Friday 23rd diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread everywhere. She died Monday 26th August.  I have so many questions. So many what ifs and regrets.  But you and I know. That in reality. There was nothing we could do that could change this hideous outcome.  Cancer doesn’t work on love and rational thoughts.  It takes away loved ones either in a long cruel way or suddenly before you have had a chance to even gather your thoughts. One day I hope we find peace,  But you are not alone. At least I can take strength and maybe you can that it was quick in the end. Xx

thank you both for your kind words. And Beach. Oh my word what a horrible shock for you! was that Aug just gone??

I’m just going through mums handbag.  In it is a Rapid Response card saying if you have any of the following call the emergency number below. temp over 37.5, shivery or flu like symptons etc.  On the other side it says “I am a chemotherapy patient at risk of Neutropenic Sepsis, I need IV antibiotics within the hour...

I found at after that she’d had a temp the day before of 39!  my dad got it down to normal or even below normal and mum said to wait until the next day to tell the doctor as they had an appointment anyway.  she was an intelligent woman and this card was with her bank cards.... I think she hoped it was sepsis and would go quick. she probably googled how you die from sepsis and decided it was a quicker way :(

reading her hospital letters from Jan she had told the doctors that if the pain couldnt be managed she didnt want to go on and she signed a DNR.  She retracted that later, but... If I’d just gone round I would have dragged her to the hospital!! 

Yes mum died 3 weeks ago. Everything happened in the space of a week. I’m still reeling.  And have so many unanswered questions that I don’t think will be answered. I moved away last year so only saw my mum every 6 weeks. If I had still lived near her I would have dragged her to the hospital sooner. As dad said last the  two weeks before she died she was bed bound. Lost weight and in agony. But mum was adamant not to go to hospital.  And then she collapsed. I too think she decided to die this way. Quick and in no more pain. She must have known deep down it was more than a bad back and chest infection.  

Hi your mum was right about sepsis i checked liz temp and it was better than mine sepsis came after the stroke if your dad got your mums teno down why would you take her to the hospital you know low temps a signe of sepsis to more so body temp drops low blood presher the hospital did everything it could but the consultant said he has known it kill in 9 hours the thing is to keep telling yourself theres not a thing you can have done and you cant force someone to go to hospital nore whould you know to. hindsights a great thing but we dont have hindsight if you had taken your mum to hospital then what you would blame yourself for something else thats how grief is nothing you could have done would have made any diffrence i went through exactly the same the same for your dad .keep asking questions thoe the more people that tell you this will make you feel much better the shrinks call it false guilt its like self punishment .its not real but god it hurts all the same your not alone with these feelings  p ps what a clever inteligent mum she must have been and strong to to know that sepsis in some cases can be a blessing ime just waiting for biopsie results and if it is i would hope the same from what ive seen if hospital had pulled your mum round then agony death .p