I totally get it. I’m seeing a counsellor and she says I have to try and not put so much emphasis on the future. One day at a time

xx

It is so unfair to lose your soulmate. All the plans that you make together getting ready for the next chapter of life are just gone. I also cannot imagine my old age years without my darling Danny

xxx

My husband passed away 6 weeks ago today. Battled primary liver cancer for 3 years and 1 month. He was the most beautiful soul. He was my soulmate and the love of my life. I know it is early days but I just feel like curling up and never get out of bed again

I know exactly what you mean. I work 3 days a week and sometimes I get through work and then just go to bed when I get home. Sleeping shuts the pain out temporarily. I hate waking up each morning and having another long day ahead with just my head for company.

It’s so lovely at last to have people to talk to who actually  know what you’re going through. It’s 3 weeks ago today since my husbands funeral and it feels like 3 long years! I try to keep myself occupied or I can get really low.

I only went back to work this week. I am supposed to do 3 days but only managed 2. I have had 2 really bad days, crying so much my eyes are puffy sore and red. I am having terrible trouble sleeping. My brain just won’t stop. All the what if’s keep swimming around in there. It just has made me question so much in life like what is the pint of it all to end up alone and suffering! 

I know exactly what you mean about questioning what is the point of it all. I would dearly love to cry more, I just walk round the house bereft and talking to him. I have his ashes on the mantelpiece and my plan is to scatter them the day after my birthday on the 13th October. I’m hoping it will help me accept more the reality. The other day I woke up and I’d dreamt it was all a bad dream and then reality hit!

It is just so hard. I am actually sleeping with his ashes, it does help me to feel closer to him and not so alone in the bed! I am not going to scatter his ashes, I’m keeping him with me always. I have so much that I need to do in my house because haven’t done any real spring cleaning for 2 years! All my cupboards need turning out etc but I just don’t have the motivation to do it! 

Slowly you will get the motivation to start your spring cleaning. What do you do all day to manage now?