I feel the same, it's been 20 days and I think I'm in shock but the memories keep hitting me over and over again. I feel sick all the time, I can't breathe properly and I keep reliving her last moments. xxx

yes that’s how I feel. Just such a heavy feeling in my heart. I feel sick and I wake up with terrible anxiety anc images of my mum in that bed. Mum couldn’t speak because she had so much fluid on her lungs so had oxygen mask on. And didn’t have strength to speak.  But her last words to me were “I love you” I said I know you do my darling and I love you.  Then she fell into unconsciousness. I held her to the end and stroked her face. We listened to her favourite music.  But I still can’t get her fear in her eyes out of my head. She said she was so frightened. So we just held her. I had no idea what to say. I just told her we were all here for her and she didn’t need to be scared. I went for for a walk yesterday and a robin came and sat next to me  

It’s so difficult cause our mums wouldn’t want us to be feeling like this, they’d want us to remember the good, happy times. Not the evil C. I’ve found that I can’t seem to remember anything anymore apart from this horrific year. My boyfriends dad died in April and a week after we found this out about my mum and then she died. It’s challenging to say the least. 

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

I totally agree about going to call theb realising that I cant..it hits you all over again. thank you and please take care of yourself also :) x

I'm so sorry. I know she must have been scared, just as I know my Mum was too, but having you with her at the end must have been so comforting. The anxiety eats you up because you torment yourself thinking about how they must have been feeling.. How are you doing today? x