Hi everyone,

I really hope this might help. My Nanny passed away at Christmas last year and she was my whole world. Although she had been poorly for a long time, unfortunately she had her third stroke and fell in to a coma. I stayed with her all week in the hospital and I was there when she passed away.

But I haven't grieved for her. I miss her every single day but I just can't grieve. I'm not sure if it's because I feel that grieving means facing the reality that she isn't coming back, or because if I let myself grieve then I am so scared I won't come out the other side. Maybe both. 

The relationship I had with my Nan is total, unconditional love, and a love I don't have with anyone else. I am also dealing with a huge amount of guilt that she will never meet her grandchildren because my husband and I have not had children yet. That would have made her so happy and I couldn't give her that.

 I am seeing a councillor and she is helping, but she thinks that maybe this is my way of grieving. But I just don't feel right. I feel like there is so much inside me that needs to come out but when people ask me about my Nan I can only go so deep before I completely stop the conversation.

I don't know what to do. Do I force some sort of grief to come out? Has anyone else ever had this feeling?