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lost my mum

worried78
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I am feeling so upset and down I lost my mum nearly 2 weeks ago and we are waiting for her funeral at the end of this week.my mum died the same day we had been to our local cancer unit in the hospital.she had just received her 8th cycle of capcabine for advanced bowel cancer.she was doing so well and her results were good on that day.she had a history of a weak heart but everything was ok with the heart recently.she had a cardiac arrest/heart attack and tried to fight back but it was all too much for her and died nearly 40 minutes later in the hospital having collapsed at home.I know in time the cancer would of got a grip of her eventually and she would of got alot worse over time but I would give anything for one last chat or goodbye.I wish I could handle it better but the last thing I expected was her to die so sudden and I wasn't even prepared for it to be that soon.

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    I am so sorry for your loss and especially how you feel it wasn’t the right time yet. I get that. My mum died in May this year and it sounds like me in your words. There is no right way to handle it. I try to take the bad days the bet I can and enjoy the better days. I honestly have never felt an emptiness like this. We only have one mum don’t we. I imagine also what I would say if I had one more time with her. 

    I hope you take comfort in your family and friends and try to go gentle on yourself and take a day at a time. 

    Try and find a little comfort in that there is no more suffering for her now and she is as rest. But totally understand the feeling of coping without her. 

     

    Take care x 

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    Hi,

    I'm really sorry to read about your mum passing suddenly. You will be in shock at the moment and you can expect this to last some time. My mum died suddenly 11 weeks ago and I completely understand the pain you are feeling.

    My mum was in good health and very fit and active until the 2nd June when she had a small stroke. She was only mildly affected but the hospital discovered that her carotid artery was almost completely blocked and recommended surgery to remove the blockage thereby reducing the risk of further strokes dramatically 

    Mum was so excited to have the operation and the night before surgery we binge watched gogglebox together.

    Mum walked herself down to the operating theatre and we said a quick goodbye and I was to collect her the following afternoon and bring her home. I told her we would laugh about this in a couple of weeks time.

    Three hours later I got a call from her surgeon informing me that mum had suffered a significant bleed on the brain 15 minutes after going into the recovery room.thd operation had gone well and mum thought she was through it.mum drifted into unconsciousness and never woke again.we turned her life support off the following day, the 14th june, her 50th wedding anniversary to my dad who had died 20 years earlier, suddenly from a heart attack.

    I have in no way come to terms with my loss. My mum was a young and funny 74 years old and my best friend.she lived with me so she could look after my 12 year old and in turn so that we could provide her with company and look after her in years to come.

    I spend my days crying and am broken hearted. I have found things much worse since the funeral.

    I hope your mums funeral goes well. Look after yourself in coming weeks by avoiding alcohol, going for lots of walks and talking about what has happened.

    If you need any advice please feel free to ask. I'm not sure how I have got through the last 11 weeks but I have and you will too.

     

    Cheryl x

  • Offline in reply to Conny

    Thank u for ur reply.I get days where I have been ok and I get days where I just want to hide away and cry.I know my mum wouldn't want me to be upset all the time but at the moment I feel numb.I'm on compassionate leave from work till next week and having time off had given me more time to think about things and of course time to reflect in what has happened.I'm glad that she isn't suffering any more cos in time as her cancer developed more she would of been I think.the worse is trying to be brave and strong for my dad and brother and I worry how my dad will cope when the funeral has been.

    Hopefully we will get alot stronger when this time of waiting for the funeral has passed and I know that my mum will always be in my heart and by the side of me in all I do.

  • Offline in reply to C1971

    I'm sorry to hear of ur mums situation too.life is so cruel to the ones we love.I'm hoping I can be strong but at the moment it's still very raw.I've got lots of support around me and will just have to take it day by day at the moment.I'm finding that when I'm around people im ok but at night I'm getting weepy and breaking down at the slightest thoughts and memories.once the funeral has been and I'm back at work maybe routine can help me.but my mum will always be in my heart and in my thoughts

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    Hi ime sorry about your mum my partner had terminal cancer then she had a stroke and died from sepsis in to days deaths never how we expect it in my case it was better than my partner dieing in pain paralysed i was grateful in a way to sepsis for taking her peacefully dosnt that sound daft maybe the attack was a blessing to it sounds harsh i know but its it .and i can tell you your mums still around our loved ones never realy leave us we just cant see them anymore but you can still talk to your mum i do all the time bless you .paul

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