Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 2 replies
  • Views 159 views
  • Users 0 members are here

I feel ok...

Emh194
Offline

so, my gandmother who brought me up, passed away on the 18th after a long fight with cancer... and I feel ok. 

I thought I would be consumed with grief and unable to function but I feel absolutely fine. Don’t get me wrong, I cried when I found out, and got a little chocked up when seeing her for the last goodbyes, but other than that I don’t feel too sad. I just feel guilty about the fact I don’t feel as though I’m grieving!

can anyone help me with this? Is this normal??

  • Offline

    Hi there yes when mum went i wasnt consumed with grif like you i was sad and felt like an orphan in a way but i had sat with mum in hospital for 8 days watching her slip away .did you get to tell her you loved her i did thanked her for everything she had done and sorry if i caused her any trouble . The best mum could do was paul p care for you all that was good enough for me as mum had had a rotton childhood and a hard life so had never learned to say love but i could its like contrition realy .but when dad went it hit me badly as i was on holiday in Greece but they didnt dell me how dad realy was just he was comfortable . When my partner liz died that opened up a realme of mentle pain i i did didnt beleive was possible .so you see norhing wrong and for goodness sake dont feel guilty but theres always this false guilt its like we have no one to blame so what does our mind do it blames us  . Sorry about your gran i tell you about my things not for sympathy that ships sailed its just to show how diffent grief can be so dont worry its just the way it works and speaking as grandparant and parant i would want my kids and grandkids to feel the way you are. not wracked with pain grief and guilt.maybe a tear or two though  plus i hate funerals so desided ime not going to mine lol best wishs Paul

  • Offline

    Hi.

    I could have written this post myself, but about my Mum. We were so close. She was my rock and understood me like no-one else. I just could not imagine my world without my Mum in it.  Mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in Feb and died in June. When we had the diagnosis/prognosis it was absolutely horrendous. Almost 4 months of worry, tears, dread, heartache and more crying than I ever thought possible. I managed to nurse her at home and was with her right til the end. She passed so peacefully. 

    I have only cried a handful of times. I can't believe I feel like I do. I don't always cope with things well at all, worries and anxiety etc. I thought I wouldn't be able to function or even drag myself out of bed in the mornings yet I have been absolutely fine. I'm not questioning my love for my Mum, we both know how much we loved each other. I really believe I did most of my grieving whilst she was still here. And it is also nice not seeing my Mum in pain and struggling each and every day (she had severe COPD before the cancer diagnosis). Also, having such a lovely death helped. I know that sounds weird! But that's the only way to describe it. I miss her massively, but I talk to her all the time. I'm just happy because I really believe now she is in a better place than she has been for a long time. 

    I'm glad you are doing well. I think I'm now learning to not question it so much. Just take each day for what it is. 

    Sharon

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.