Hi my mum has lung cancer was given a couple of months to live at end of may shes still with us at mo but shes bedridden no use of legs/arms/hands wearing pants/nappies cos bodily fluids she cannot control,shes eating/drinking very little sleeping alot,I do not want to lose her but i don't want to see her suffer anymore i no that's sounds awful but its hard,my partner has been diagnosed with kidney cancer that has spread to his bones hes bedridden to but can get out of bed with help hes terminal just need some advice on mum

Thanx clare.

Hi Clare,

My mum was admitted to hospital at the end of May but unfortunately lost her battle around the beginning of July. 

She was told she had weeks but fought that little bit harder for us. Exactly what you are saying about your situation, I sat with my mum everyday from when she was admitted, even if some days she was completely out of it. Nurses said it is the best thing because they know you are there with them and can hear you. I believe that now, she would tiwitch or squeeze my hand and that was a good enough response for me some days. I guess I don’t have much advice other than be present, say your love you’s and goodbyes if you are ready. Hold on to what you have left and in some way it keeps you going Xx

I’m sorry to hear about your partner also, I hope you have your family and friends around you at this difficult time X

Hey,

sorry to hear this but you are most definitely at peace and I can relate to that. I felt stronger at the beginning now I feel empty and alone. I do try and keep it together for my mum but it’s the suffering through out the day. 

Thank you for reaching out Xx

Hi Fran,

I lost my mum suddenly 9 weeks ago. She had only been ill for 12 days.

She was a bit older than your mum at 74 but so active and kept the family together. She did all my childcare and was doing my gardening the week before she became I'll.

Like you, I am feeling so lost and alone even though I have a lovely daughter and supportive partner.

Mum lived with us and the house just feels so quiet. I agree that my grief is getting harder. In the early days and weeks I was so busy contacting friends and family, organising the funeral and dealing with the will and probate.

Since the funeral I have fallen apart and been signed off work. 

I'm now an adult orphan and have lost my bearings in life and getting through each day is so difficult.

I've learnt from this site that there are so many of us in this situation and it does bring comfort to see how everyone else is managing.

Cheryl x

Hi fran sorry about your mum dont worry about being a victim we all are on hear from this rotton evil disease as to you falling apart you will pick yourself up again but its a lonley road as she was your mum but it just takes time i think we all go a bit mad at the time because we resort to our emotional heads on and our logical heads are put in the cubourd but that will come just take one day at a time you will pick yourself up again but at the moment your on the grief rollercoaster and its more scary i know ive been on it a lot of time so just hold tight if you can see about a bit of counciling you usualy can get it by ringing the local hospice a lot try and give up as it can be painfull but it realy help but dont give up on it because the world goes back to normal quicker than us so then we rhink know one cares you get to ask questions we all have why i should have done that why couldnt i save her and thats one of the most painful things is this false guilt i think we all get t.they certainly can help with this if your scared your not going to get through this dont worry how you feel just let it carry you along you will be ok best wishs to you and all your family sorry not so good on the sympathy front but ive been through these things many times even loosing the love of my life just over a year ago so this is a bit of advice because we need both .paul and keep talking and blubbing its the best thing

Hi Cheryl,

I appreciate you sharing your story, it definitely helps to chat with people who can relate and who reach out to one another. 

Yea, it’s going from that busy period to this sudden empty, motionless time. I struggle to sleep at night now which is bothering me too because I can’t get up to get ready like before and be productive. Mum always got me out the house, especially when I was feeling down and now I just don’t have that one person to lean on. My partner, bless him, hasn’t a clue and I close myself off as he hasn’t ever been there emotionally. He struggles to open up and results in our relationship getting beyond hard. 

Anyway, I get out with my two dogs each day and that helps to be outdoors and out the house. I hate being home now too long as my mum was always there no matter what. 

It’s good that you’ve taken time out of work as have I. With having your partner and daughter around, I hope you find more comfort and keep busy. Xx

Hey, 

Yea exactly, just trying to take it one day at a time. I feel councilling is another story as me and my sister looked for support and got no where. Our Doctor even went as far as to say it sounds like it may be genetic (lung cancer) and referred us. Also told us to get on with our lives as death is normal. We keep each other sane and have closed the door to our ‘support mechanisms’. Maggies are kind but it’s too close to home y’know as it’s at the hospital where my mum passed and I can’t be there right now.

Anyway, I appreciate what you are saying and I know it will take a bloody life time before I feel normal again and find my own path but these groups are helping a hell of a lot! Sorry to hear about your recent loss too and yes we all gotta blab together X

Just chipping in to say it's been just over 24 hours since my Mum died.. can't believe how agonising it is. It is weirdly comforting to know there are other people who understand, I hope that doesn't seem insesitive. I keep reading over these forums about people losing their Mums xx

That’s how I feel! I was truly meant to find this online and I now check it every night almost because I can relate and share my pain. At the end of the day everyone is fighting their own battles X