Hi Rebecca94

Im sorry for your loss,

I lost my mom 4 weeks ago, she was my best friend and was taken from me far too young.  She endured, battled and suffered terribly from lung cancer and the last few months of her battle was heartbreaking.  Since she passed i feel like a freak and worry people think im heartless as ive 'just carried on'  I only had a could of days off work to sort and organise and like you ive not felt grief as such.  At her funeral many of her work collegues and friends were crying and i felt like an outsider as i wasnt able to cry and I felt people were judjing me for being so calm but the tears just wont come. I smiled and admired her beautiful flowers on her coffin and rather than feeling distraught about it it made me happy as i knew she would have loved them.  I felt odd for finding joy in seeing my moms coffin covered in flowers as society says you should be grieving but to me it was a beautiful moment and not something i wanted to cry about,  If im honest i think i cried all of my tears in the months before her death at her suffering and now i know shes not in pain anymore does bring a little relief.  Dont beat yourself up, everyone deals with things differently and your journey to acceptance of the situation is yours. 

Much love

Sarah

Hi sarha i was like that with mum like you i was at her bedside for 9 days whatching her slip away i had said i i loved her and thanked her and sorry for any trouble a bit like contrition realy .i thaught what hard man i am and mum was 98 and said she wanted to go . But when dad went it realy hit me so dont worry you just grieving the way you grieve dont worry about what otheres think .best wishs paul