It will be one year in September since my lovely mums awful death from ovarian cancer .I moved back from life as an expat to care for her in what were to be her last months . My dad at the time did not want me there but my mum very much did so i pushed through his awful behaviour to be fully and absolutely there for her .
my brothers and sisters who had been in denial and little involved in her care ( both took their summer holidays ) even though it was clear she was dying . My sister took her youngest of 3 children to his first day of school on the day mum died ! All mum wanted was all her children to be there for her . My sister knew this and knew mum would most likely die that day . My brother left after an hour of her actively dying . anyway once she died .. they ( dad and my brother and 2 sisters ) proceeded to organise her funeral without talking or involving me at all . There was a wake in her house but my dad left and went off with papers under his arm up to my sisters house close by , to organise the funeral. None of them spoke to me , my dad spoke to me once , I asked him if he was ok , he said NO , because I saw you crying in there ... indicating the sitting room where mum was laid out ! I was just a bit shocked .. various cousins were asked to read prayers at the funeral and I was just completely excluded . There was a meal after the funeral ... when I came in they were all sitting at the main family table , no one looked up or invited my husband or I to sit ... it was all very awkward so I just found another table to sit at . I went back abroad about a week later ( I stayed at a hotel ) I couldn’t go back to mums house as she wasn’t there anymore.
i tried to call one sister she wouldn’t talk to me but did tell me my brother wouldn’t ever be talking to me again and that as they live in the same country she would maintain the relationship with him . My other sister was a bit out of it really and we are pretty ok . My dad sends me the odd reply to my messages but has not mentioned my mums name since she died . I keep trying to speak about her with him but he won’t . He has removed her paintings from the walls , her car has disappeared apparently and he went to the US even though mum had been begging him for years’ tontravle with her :(. There was an increase in meassges from him when he wanted me to sign over my share of her personal savings to him . He simply said I’m sending you a document, sign and witness it and send it back ! My sister told me he made all of them do this without explaining, at least to her anyway , what it was ! Apparently she died without a will ... i had to figure all of this out over a period of weeks by calling the savings bank mentioned in the document :( it was emotionally draining and upsetting and so badly handled. The amount is so tiny so I’m making a separate claim and I think it’s tume for me to cut off all contact with my dad . I can’t sleep , I’m probably a bit depressed and mum would be horrified by how disrespectful he is to her memory . I see little point in fake chat about the weather etc and him dodging any mention of mum for the next however many years . He is a selfish disrespectful chauvinistic xxxxx . She deserves’ Stories to be told about her , to be talked about and remembered like she would have for him . I love her so much and feel so guided by her love , which definitely never ends :)
any thoughts or advice welcome from those wiser than me . Please no flippant « he’s your father « bla bla :) thanks anyone who’s gotten to the end of this essay :)
