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Losing my mother

Stephen1983
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Hi everyone I'm new to the group so wanted to share my story.  It's been 3 months since I lost my mother and I've been on a downward spiral ever since she had breast cancer and was given weeks to a month to live out the blue it's was a severe shock but she took it all in her stride she was a truly strong and beautiful woman she battled it for 4 month in hospital before she passed and ever since I lost her I am truly struggling to carry on I have become dependant on alcohol and have become numb inside I have held down my job and still maintain all my dutys as the father of a beautiful one year old baby girl but even with all the wonderful people and family I have loving me and caring for me I truly wouldn't care if i died today I would never harm myself as people rely on me and I think that's the easy way out I know the loss a family feels as i lost my best friend 2 years ago to suicide I'm hoping someone here might have some advice other than the usual or if anyone has a similar story and found ways to cope thank you stephen

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    Hi there ..

    There's so many on here lost their mum too , to this cancer that cares for no one ... 

    All I can say as a mum with breast cancer, is my two sons better make the most of everyday .. yea miss me .. but take what I've learned you and put it into practice with their children ... or ill come back and kick am up the bum ...  

    You havnt lost your mum .. you are half of her ... just look in the mirror,  and don't think she's gone.. you take her with you through your journey .. make your mum proud ... so she looks down and says ... that's my boy ...  take those things she taught you .. and show her how amazing you are .. she lives in your heart now ... later you can tell your baby about your lovely mum ... 

    Yes it's the second hardest thing we do .. loosing a parent ... and like you needed your mum .. so your child needs you .. that is your mum's grandchild .. every time you make your baby smile, so will your mum up there .. that's what I'll do .. 

    Write her a letter .. tell her every week what you want to say ... then put it in a post box ... who knows .. there just maybe a way they can get it up there ..

    I used to work with alcohol problems .. those people that use it, at first it blokes the pain.. dulls the heartache... seems to solve a problem... then just when your not looking ... the alcohol becomes the problem ... it will not sort out your life .. or help you mend ... it will add to it all ..

    You need councilling... talk to anyone and everyone who will listen ... and above all think what your mum would say today ...  only you can reach out and get that help you need .. like you did here ... your not alone ... many are going through the same right now ... so I'm sending you a nanny hug ... they are very spiecial ...  Chrissie xx 

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Hi there - you are obviously struggling a great deal with the loss of your mum. Everyone who loses a parents feels distraught & wonders how they will get through the grief & ever live normally agin. However, I think, having read your post carefully, that what you are experiencing is more than 'normal' grief. I strongly suspect that you are clinically depressed & I would urge you to see your GP & explain just how badly you are coping with your loss.

    You are a new father & hold down a job & this is stressful enough without grief on top. Sometimes you know, life just is a bit too much to handle & asking for a bit of help just for a short while is what's needed. It's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of & I would bet that your mum would agree with me. Don't suffer on this way by yourself - there's no need to do it.

    If you get a little bit of help there will come a time (not too far away) when you will be able to cope with the grief - it won't go away but it WILL become manageable. I do hope you will see your GP. In the meantime do take care & post again if you'd like to. xx

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    Hello i think 3.to 4 months is when it realy sinks in . Best if you saw your gp if you are finding it difficult to function i say this to everyone are you having any bereavment counciling helped me not a magic bullet but it helps if you let it its a lonely road and for a while the world seems a dark unfriendly place but it dosnt rain every day and one morning the sun will shine but it takes time i lost my liz just over a year ago and thought my world ended but its started to get eisier . Please hold on to the thought that it gets eisier your memories of your mum might get clouded but they come back . What a gift you have a new child a wife family . Try and concentrate on that anything to get those dark thoughts going round in your.head break the cycle thats what cbt does griefs a form of illness.sorry about your mum but keep talking its early yet you dont have to have the male stiff upper lip just take it one day at a time its the best cure . best wishs 

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