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My dad died 3 weeks ago and the pain is unbearable

Joanne1989
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I have found reading other post on here a real comfort. My dad lost his battle to cancer 3 weeks ago. We gave him a lovely send off on Tuesday. It was a real comfort to see how loved he was. 

At 29 I never imagined I would have to say goodbye to my dad. He was diagnosed in October and everything seems to have happened so quick. The decline in the last month was so unexpected and quick. You never think it will happen to you and I certainly never thought I would be writing this post. 

I have kept myself busy so I don’t have to think about it as the pain is unbearable. It feels like no one gets it in work and already people expect me to be okay and over it. I don’t feel I have properly grieved or know how to. I hope that things do get better and there is a way of coping with loss of a parent. 

 

 

 

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    Hi joanne so sorry about your dad .you know non of us know how to grieve just carry on with how you are thats how you grieve its your way its agony isnt it and yes the world soon carrys on .i i kn its early but maybe a bit of counciling may help the councilers dont try to change the subject they listen and you can ask anything or just rant .this rotton disease can take you in a week years or sometimes never thats the cruel thing about .and it hurts loved ones .i i think we see grannies on tv tv surviving its as thoe they can cure everyone it luls us into a false sence of security then its even more of a shock theres bereavement groups to knowing your not alone can help we were talking about going in the caravan and my partner was gone in two days i tell you so you know i know how you feel to some degree keep coming on there are many going ing through this and they may give you advice or just share with you but what you are going through is how it is once again so sorry .paul

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    Hi Joanne ,

    i am so truly sorry about you dad. I lost my mom 2 weeks ago and her funeral was Thursday. I know we gave her a lovely service and it couldnt gone nicer. So many people came and to know mom was liked and loved was very comforting. 

    I’m 38 and to say my mom was my best and only  friend would be a complete understatement. We literally did everything today, I still live at home ( which now mom has gone is more important that ever as dad is lost). 

    Mom was only ill for 5 weeks. She went from perfect health to passing away in such a short time. It is still so hard to believe it’s happened. We were told when we got the official diagnosis she had a few weeks to couple of months. She had 10 days the last 6 in a hospice. Each time we spoke to a doctor the news just kept getting worse there was no time to come to terms with anything before the next thing happened. 

    Totally agree with you , never thought this could happen to us. I knew cancer was evil but it’s what happens to other families not mine! So stupid was that!

    unless someone has gone through this themselves they can’t possibly understand the pain and feelings. I can’t cope at all. I’m bearly sleeping or eating. I wake up each morning with such a sick feeling and then I hear my dad calling out my moms name in his sleep. It’s breaking my heart

    people keep asking you okay Lucy? What am I supposed to say, yes I’m fine now. They seem to think we’ve had the funeral so life should get back to normal. Well our normal doesn’t exist anymore does it. How can you expect us to be normal when a huge part of us has been stolen away from us. 

    Im not sure there is a correct way to grief and I’m told everyone grieves in their own way and time. I think I’m stil in denial, I know I don’t want to accept it that’s for sure. The one thing that is helping a little is chatting on here. Being able to say how you feel without being judged or worrying about upsetting the people you love. Talking to people who are going through the exact same time helps I think maybe. 

    Im here whenever you want to talk or vent. I’m a good listener 

    lucy

  • Offline in reply to Paulus

    Paul, 

    Thank you so much for your response and kind words. It was just what I needed to hear. Knowing there is no proper or right way to grieve and that others do understand. 

    I am really sorry to hear about your partner. It comes like a ton of bricks the loss. I do hope you are okay also 

  • Offline in reply to Lucyda
    Hi Lucy, So sorry to hear about your Mom. I am sending you lots of love. Thank you for sharing how you are feeling with me as it has made me feel less alone. My mum has mental health issues so it hasn’t been easy for me to have to space to deal with how I am feeling myself. I am sorry to hear that you have had such a tough few months. Things happening so suddenly really puts time into perspective. You are so right when you say people just think you have gotten over it as you have dealt with the funeral. It couldn’t be further from reality. Like you everything has felt like a blur and even though my dad died in front of me and we laid him to rest it doesn’t feel real. The pain however does. Anytime you want to talk I am here too. Thinking of you and your dad x
  • Offline in reply to Joanne1989

    Hi Joanne 

    thank you for your kind message. I’m glad my post has made you feel less alone, im always here whenever you want to talk. Sorry to hear your mom has mental health issues on top of everything else, that must be really tough.

    I know it’s hard to workout how you feel, I am truly struggling with it. The over riding emotion I feel at the moment is fear for the future I think. I worry about my dad, how we are going to cope, I worry about finances and how I’m going to earn money - I’m self employed as a wedding stationer. I basically shut my whole business down when mom got ill and although I’m officially back at work, the orders aren’t there, so not earning and I’m worried. I think I’ve ruined my business on top of everything else. 

    Never realised before just how much of a worrier I am but I lie there in bed stressed beyond belief worrying about the future and what will happen. Everyone tells me it will be fine and my business will return but I can’t see it and I’m scared and feel like a burden.  

    Sorry for offloading all that into you especially as your struggling as well but bottling up our emotions isn’t helpful either  

    anyway if you ever want to talk I’m here and I promise to listen and not burden you with all my stuff

    love Lucy x

     

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