Hi,

i am so sorry to hear you dad has passed away. I lost my mom 2 weeks ago to lung cancer which has spread to her liver, kidney, adrenal glands and her brain. Ultimately it was the tumours in her brain which caused all the damage. She was only ill for 5 weeks and went downhill so fast because of her brain. To watch her deteriorate so quickly from being my wonderful mom to being bed bound and not able to move, eat, drink etc was beyond heartbreaking 

I completely understand how you feel and I’m not coping well either. When she went to the hospice we knew she wasn’t going to come home from there but still didn’t really accept it could happen. They were the longest hardest 6 days of my life. 

Im trying to keep busy and my mind occupied but it doesn’t really work. I’m not sleeping or eating very much and have a constant unsettled stomach. People keep telling me it’s normal and with time it will pass. The pain will get easier but I keep thinking they can’t truly know how I’m feeling if they think it will become less painful. My  mom was everything to me my absolute best friend. 

I imagine you are feeling the same and I don’t have any magic words to take the pain away sadly but I am here whenever you want to talk. I’m a good listener. I’ve found it has helped a little joining this site, as I can pour my heart out without worrying about upsetting my family. 

I think ultimately the best advice I’ve been given is just take it hour by hour then day by day. Try not to think you have to be fine quickly as we won’t be. We both have a new reality and normal to find without our mom and dad which is going to be unbelievablely hard. It’s definitely something I don’t want to accept I have to do. 

Lucy