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Completely lost!

Sammy123456
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I just don’t know what to do anymore.

My Dads death by cancer has ruined my life and of those around me. My Mum is distraught and my sister hates me because she is bitter and I am an easy target for her right now as she hasn’t dealt with her own emotions and blames me for everything.

I am so depressed and constantly think about ending my life and running away from my wife and 2 kids so they don’t have to see me like this. If I die at least I can see my Dad again.

I just sleep all day unless someone is coming to the house to see me. My two young sons must know there is something wrong and my wife cannot support me as much as I would like because she’s looking after them.

Seeing my GP on Weds and will ask for medication.

Have suffered mental health issues for approx 20 years but this time I just feel hopeless and lost.

  • I'm so sorry to read this Sammy.

    It's good you've booked in to see your doctor on Wednesday but if you continue to have these thoughts before then it may be worth giving the Samaritans a call on 116 123. They're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They are there to listen and will do all that they can to support you at this time, so if you feel you can't discuss how you're feeling with your family at the moment do consider sharing what's on your mind with them instead.

    Coping with grief is tough, but I want you to know you are not alone. Many of our members have been in similar situations with their families so sadly know all too well the devastating effect coping with loss can have on relationships so hopefully some of them will be along soon to share their experiences and offer their support and advice. I'm not sure if you've looked in to this already but bereavement counselling may prove beneficial at this time.

    I know it may not seem like it right now, but all is not lost. I can see how difficult this is for you but if you can, just try to take things a day a time, be kind to yourself and remember that your dad lives on in you and the memories you share of him with your little ones who love you very much.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi sammie goodness you sound in a state . What would happen to your wife and kids your to important to them to leave this world and no they would not be better off without there dad do you think loosing your dads tipped you over the edge yes go see your gp . Thing is depressions makes you have a wrong view of the world try and get yourself through this for your kids i know its hard but the strongest of us need help medication seems to be the answer with gps but you know deep down what it is when you go ask them to do some bloodwork on you b12 levels etc i nearly went insane and all it was was my b12 levels were wrong . Dosnt take much to pull us down you know the saying when you hit rock bottom theres only one way and thats up .now ime going to put a helpline number on its called calm there lines open from 5 till midnight they are there for young chaps like yourself they are better for you than samartans ime not young but when i lost my partner i found them much better.its freephone 0800585858  try them the samaritans are good but these people are much more easy going .its like talking to a friend .paul ps if stephs still watching its a number to give out to its for young men a charity set because of the alarming rate of young chaps commiting suiside 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Steph

    Thanks.

    yes, I have been seeing a counsellor for a few weeks now but that is making me feel worse as I am reliving a lot of stuff I thought I had processed. Part of my wants to give this up as it’s all too much to handle.

    my family know I am finding it tough but only my wife knows to what extent.

    you are right though. My Dad loves his grand children and would want them to be happy so in turn I need to be to find peace and be happy so I can be a good Dad.

  • Offline in reply to Paulus

    Thanks. I will try and call them later this evening once my kids have gone to sleep.

    i started taking b12 again this week as nearly everyone in my family has been told they are lacking.

    thanks. I’m up now and have spent some time with my lovely family. Need to find the small things like that to be keep me going 

     

  • Offline in reply to Sammy123456

    Hi you can bye b12 from holland and barret a lot of drs just look at blood level results but even nice say they should go by symptoms and one of them is depression you cant take to much ime not a dr but ive seen and felt what this does because of ignorance of the nhs  on this simple b vitamin . Ime sorrt about your dad it sucks i know but it does get eisier i can tell you that from experiance just keep fighting it sammie you will come through it i lost mum and dad some time ago in my case it was my partner so understand how important they are to us  .paul

  • Offline in reply to Paulus

    Thanks.

    im sorry to hear about your situation and it puts mine in to perspective for me.

    i have to stay positive for my kids.

  • Offline in reply to Sammy123456

    Thats good positive thinking its kept me going to . And yoursellf and your wife nothing else realy matters but family and friends if you have that sammy sou realy have it all dosnt matter about me ime ok ish you get yourself better eh grief is like an illness in a way we litraly loose the plot but it comes back its all about taking one day at a time till it does .p

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