Hi Lucy,

I'm glad you got through yesterday. It's so hard but strangely comforting too.my my had a lovely turn out with all her siblings and friends.it felt like we were going to a family party and I spent all day looking out for her then remembering we were all there to say goodbye to her.

Unfortunately since the funeral I have spiralled downwards and cant lift myself up. I have a very responsible job in london but am currently signed off sick because I am so low and cannot concentrate.

I'm still leaving door keys in the front door and can only manage to buy food shopping one meal ahead.

Its 7 weeks today and I havent improved at all. I think you are being very hard on yourself and shouldn't be thinking about work or money or comparing yourself to other people.

I have never had time sick from work in 16 years but equally have never lost my mum either so my goal is to get through each hour,then each day until one day I find it's a bit better.

You only had your mums funeral yesterday and you can expect to feel like this for some time to come.

I know you work from home but take time every day to go for a long walk in the sunshine.it really lifts my mood when I'm out. I'm also doing some gardening as I find this helps as well.

All I know is that we have managed to get through the last few weeks and one day we will realise that we have got through a year and 5 years x

Hi lucy dont you feel a burden on anyone youve done ok its not important what you do its the type of person you are thats important and from what ive read you seem a pretty nice thoughtful one . Hey ive three adult children i i love em to bits they have never been a burden to me  you sound quite artistic doing cards thats a gift so dont you feel less about yourself your feeling very vunarable now as we said its just this guilt thing we get .you look after yourself it will get eisier just dont try not to rush it take one day at a time your having a massive trauma a loss keep talking best thing whatever you feel come on here and tell us you will find your not alone in your feelings thats for sure you see everyone coping and doing ok but i its not realy the case .most people are struggling with something some are better at hiding it.p