Hi lucy yes whatever you do how you feel is your way . If your at home and it gets to you ring a friend the samartans are good or just go for a brisk walk just keep telling yourself tommorow will be better and one day it will .p

I know with time it will get easier especially once the funeral and all the finances are sorted. 

At the moment I wake up every morning and feel physically sick, my stomach is completely unsettled. I’m finding it impossible to sleep for more than a few hours at night and eating is really hard. Since mom got ill I’ve lost a stone and a half in weight. I know i need to eat and I’m trying. Everyone one else is managing to eat but my body isn’t being very cooperative. When mom was ill, I had nose bleeds, and had sickness and diarrhoea. My grief seems to be having a physical effect as well as emotional at the moment. In general I’m not someone who copes well under stress (I know some people thrive on stress well I’m definitely not one of these, I like everything neat and organised and I like to plan and there is no planning this), and at the moment it can’t be any more stressful 

i can hear mom now telling me off and saying you need to eat and look after yourself and I’m honestly trying just not succeeding very well. One of the very last things she said to me was ‘Lucy no ‘ as I was crying my eyes out holding her hand in the middle of the night at the hospice, everyone else was asleep 

lucy 

Hi Lucy,

I'm 6 weeks down the line and still wake up feeling sick every day.hiwever, things have improved. I went to my GP on the 3rd day following mums death and she gave me 2 weeks worth of sleeping tablets. I had never had them before but they really helped. They dont give you a full nights sleep but they help you get to sleep and you get a good 4 to 5 hours. I didnt get any more after the 2 weeks but they certainly got me through.

I'm still not eating large meals but I graze and eat little but often. You will still get some physical effects on your body as this is the adrenalin helping you get through. The most important things are to avoid alcohol, eat healthily and rest when you can.i also go for long walks every day to keep myself active and they do help your mental health.

The last thing my mum said was 'no don't' when I was crying just before she had surgery and I am tormented that she saw me so upset. I know she would be mortified to see what a state I'm in 6 weeks down the line.

Morning lucy best thing is a good blub honestly i would make apointment with gp they can give you something to keep you from cracking anxiatys a horrid thing theres no use suffering anymore than you need to trust me the toughest need help at times ime65 a big guy thought i could cope but it flattend me grief realy is an illness in a way i wish i could say it gets better when funerals over thats true but not with daughters husbands sons wives but your mums still with you around you everywhere . So make a double apointment with gp a lady gp right down the nose bleeds and all the physical things and the feeings of anxiaty panick attacks and go see her just going will make you feel slightly better i was petty much a basket case fo 4 months but for me i started to feel my partner not phyiscal just that sixth sence type thing and the lonelyness started to go .there is light at the end of the tunnel trust me the feelings you have will dwindle have read of mine and otheres posts it may help you they say we all grive diffrently and in a way we do but its the same but its its jumbled up so it seem diffrent you need plenty of cuddles get them where you can eh and cry your eyes out dosnt matter where you are blubbing is in us as a safty valve .paul ps sleeping tablets are good if you cant sleep at all i had the choice of those or anxiaty help i chose thoes as they help with sleep to ime not a dr remember just a layman whoes been and going through what you are except any help you can get people say i dont want to because it changes me etc thats tosh its only temp to get you through it and you will

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply it does genuinely mean the world. Especially being able to talk to someone who does understand. 

People do care and ask how are you but you find yourself saying I’m fine when in fact that is the complete opposite to what you are. I think I feel a million different emotions all at once from hurt, anger, loss, devastation and there is an awful lot of shock still I think. I wake up and for a few seconds everything is fine and then I remember moms not here anymore and the tears come 

I know with time it will get easier but right now I don’t see how. I simply just want my mom I would give anything to hear her voice and tell me it’s all okay and I know that can’t happen 

You may hear her in your dreams or remembering her word all these things keep her with you but ime sure shes watching or feels you to who knows what happens when we die i would rather be feeling the way i do than be a closed off sinic . But dont procrastinate go see your gp your appitight will come back you may feel at times your forgetting but it comes back there are facets in our brains that protect us grief is a very confusing thing but we do get through it but ime afraid it takes a long long time ime not being pessimistic ime being a realistic but you can make it less painful while we are healing ime just saying what i did i lost mum and dad some years ago and a grandson i tell you this not for sympathy just so you understand that ive been through it and i wish i had known about this site myself it all helps and talking is the best just make sure you eat something and drink plenty of fluids we tend to neglect ourselves that makes us feel worse .this blin.king disease would be happy if it took families as well ime not letting it take me .p

Hi Lucy,

Totally understand what you are saying.  Me, Mum and my sister are all grieving differently about my Dad.  I like to look at photos and play his videos just to hear his voice as I have comfort from this.  Everyone is different so do what is right for you and what you get comfort from.

The funeral will be hard but it is your opportunity to give your mum the nicest send off and celebrate her life with your friends and family.  I got up last week at Dad's funeral and spoke, I broke down but was determined to speak about growing up with my Dad.

I think it's best to be honest to friends and family about how you are feeling, even our celebrant said that.  I feel I am grieving more since the funeral as there is no more sorting of things etc and it's like a big hole now so if people ask I say I am struggling.  I know things will get easier for us all but it will take time.  It's a month today since Dad passed and it feels like 3/4 months.

I hope everything goes ok this week, will be thinking of you x

Hi,

thank you so much for your kind words and support it truly means the world. I am so very sorry to hear about your dad and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. 

I am honestly dreading the funeral as I know I won’t be able to keep it together. Just discussing it with the celebrant was difficult enough, my dad couldn’t even do that my brother and I organised it. I like what we have arranged and the music I’ve picked. But it will be really painful to hear it as they are moms favourites .

everyone we know has been wonderful and would drop everything to help but I still feel so lonely. In general I’m quite a shy person and a true home body and honestly my mom was my only real friend. We literally did everything together. I know I can talk to my dad but it’s not the same and I hate upsetting him and he is finding it too hard to talk about mom for long. 

I am so grateful I decided to join this online chat as without I’m not sure how I would cope. Simply typing how i feel is helping and talking to all you lovely people is a godsend. I haven’t told dad or my brother I’m doing this as it’s not something they would do and in a selfish way it’s my little safe space where I can say what I want without worrying I’m going to upset them. 

Lucy

Hi Lucy, Chat on here as much as you like, we are all in a similar position.

You will find strength on the funeral day as much as sadness, I had two drinks at 10am just to steady my nerves ( I would never usually do this) but it certainly helped me.  I couldn't bear to look at the coffin and just kept telling myself he's not there, he's in heaven.  I cried when speaking and saying a poem at Dad but it was other people crying that made me more tearful, I just knew I wanted to do Dad proud and have a good send off.  I think having a celebrant makes things more personable as we found that but it is hard talking to a stranger about your parent.

I saw my Mum tonight and cried, she told me to stop as Dad wouldn't want that so I did but I let things out at home.  I think our parents that are left are grieving and worry about us being upset and coping.

With lot of love and hugs xx