Hi my partner was given chem moday had massive stroke friday friday morning died of sepsis 4 am sunday morning . It was a blessing because she would have lived a few months paralysed and dying in pain as she had liver and lung cancer but a terrible shock to get over for us still cant beleive it at times been over a year now but it does get eisier but takes time .paul

Thanks paul.

I'm sure in time it will get easier it just doesnt feel like it right now.

Sorry to hear about your partner but pleased that they went quickly and peacefully avoiding months of suffering.

It's harder for us when its sudden but I'm sure in time, I will be grateful.

Hi everyone,

i just want want to say thank you so much for taking the time to reply and share your personal stories with me. It means the world to know there are people out there who understand how I’m feeling and going through. I’m heartbroken to think this is happening to so many people. Cancer is such a evil thing

im still struggling to understand how all this happened. 5 weeks ago mom was fine she just had a pain in the side of her back. When to the doctors thinking it was something like IBS, nothing major. From there each time we spoke to the doctors the news just kept getting worse. We just didn’t have time to process and get our heads around the fact she had lung cancer before finding out it has spread to her liver. Then she had a seizure in the middle of the night while at the hospital and they struggled to get her back. We got a phone call at 1.30am to say she had a medical emergency and to get there as quickly as possible. Thankfully we live literally down the road from the hospital but that 10 minute walk was the longest walk I’ve ever been through as we didn’t know if she was going to be alive when we got there. Thankfully she was but we were then informed she had a emergency ct scan and it was discovered she has numerous tumours on her brain. I don’t even think at that point I had realised it was terminal I was still clinging to the hope there was going to be some sort of treatment plan. We finally got to bring her home after a week in hospital while we waited for biopsy results. We lived in a kind of limbo for a week, dreading the phone ringing. Then the appointment came in and it was 2pm on a Wednesday, I swear time when backwards that morning. Then out whole worlds collapsed as we told it was terminal and there was no treatments only pain management. Mom had a couple of months to live. I don’t even think it sunk in then. My brother wonderful beautiful guy that he is decided he was going to marry his girlfriend straight away so mom could attend and we all decided we would go on a final holiday together to Wales. That Friday st.giles hospice came and introduced themselves and explained when it was time mom would go there. Mom wanted to do that, I think to spare us the pain of her dying at home. So we had plans of what we wanted to do before the end. We never got to do any of them, as by the Sunday mom had deteriorated dramatically and we had to call st.giles to come out ASAP. She was admitted the next day. 

The hospice was was absolutely beautiful and she was cared for with such love. We all pretty much moved in her room with her. Me, dad, Thomas my brother and his girlfriend Sonia and even our 5 month old lab puppy. So we all together. We then had to watch her down down hill each day. It was mom and dads wedding anniversary on the Tuesday 42 years. Then tragically and very quickly she passed surrounded by us all on Sunday. She took jet last breath as my dad gave her a kiss. Right until the last minute she was more worried about us and telling me not to be upset. 

I dont know what else to say but it has really helped to get it all out there to you all today. I don’t want to talk to dad and Thomas about it too much as they are both really struggling with it

love Lucy x

My heart truly goes out to you. I lost my Dad last Monday to lung cancer which had spread to his liver and head. My Dad was my best friend and I feel completely lost and broken without him. I totally relate to you saying you feel like a lost little girl.. I’m 44 and feel like I’ve reverted back to a child crying for my Daddy all the time I don’t really have any answers for you on how to get through this awful time but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you want to talk. Sending you so much love & strength xxx

Hi,

thank you so much for replying and I am truly sorry to hear about your dad. I love my dad to pieces and im a daddy’s girl but my mom was literally my best friend and my world. She is the one person who I really need to talk to now and I can’t and it’s killing me. I’m trying to be strong for dad as he is lost. He says he feels frightened about the future and I’ve promised him it’s me and him against the world. I live at home with him and everywhere I look mom is there. From her glasses in the kitchen to her perfumes in her bedroom. I can’t move them but it’s breaking my heart to look at them. My brother is an absolute rock and I know he is in a world of pain as he was a true mommy’s boy. He tries to be strong in front of me and not cry and that just makes me feel terrible as I know he’s hurting but hiding it to be strong for me. But he gets to go home to his house when it gets too much, which I am really grateful for. I know there are no answers and there isn’t a right or wrong way to be. Everything is just so overwhelming, from dealing with banks and solicitors. I thought I was a strong person but I’m not really. I find it all really scary

sorry for pouring my heart out but it does seem to help to actually say it

lucy 

Hi dont be sorry thats what this sites for i i lost my partner just over a year ago so i i undstand how your dad feels hes going to feel lost for a long time as are you but the pain does dwindle its a lonely road but there is help out there .  Bereavment counciling groups helplines anything that helps slightly just to get yourselves out of the house i i did everything and am sure it helped i know theres a bond bettween most mums and daughter that us dads can never have just diffrent  best wishs and so sorry .paul

Lucy, you have no need to apologise for pouring your heart out. It’s sometimes good to talk to strangers who can relate to what your going through. 

It must be breaking your heart too seeing your Dad so heartbroken, I know it’s tearing me apart seeing my mum hurting so bad. I don’t live with mum but I’m only 5 mins away, plus I’ve been with her everyday & night since last week. My Dads funeral is Wednesday, when is your mums? Xxx

Hi Paul,

i am so sorry you lost your partner. I always knew cancer was a terrible illness but I suppose like everyone didn’t think it would happen to us. I’ve lost a aunt and uncle to cancer and that was heartbreaking but when it is someone who means to world to you there aren’t words to describe the pain really. The speed of which it all has happened I’m finding hard to cope with. 6 weeks ago we were holiday and now on Thursday it’s moms funeral. How does that seem real?

ive meet some lovely people on here already, you have really helped, so thank you. I didn’t think I would be someone who would pour my heart out to strangers but it really does help not to bottle it all up. I was starting to crack and spent most of the day crying my eyes out  I know mom wouldn’t want that as well  

Im determined that we will be fine and not just sit in the house and wither away. The only problem is I’m self employed and work from home so spend a lot of time in the house but I guess you could says that’s normal and normal is something we have to strive for. Down the line when everything isn’t so raw I think I might like to do some volunteer work for the hospice in some sort of capacity in honour of mom. But not yet

lucy

Hi Julie,

Its really helping talking on here. Didn’t think I would ever do that but then again didn’t think I would ever be in this position

it is breaking my heart to see dad in so much pain and know I can’t fix it. He says I’m his rock but I don’t feel like a rock at times. Your mom must be completely devastated and I am so sorry for you and your family. 

Moms funeral  is Thursday. I want to go to sleep on Wednesday and wake up on Friday and the funeral is done but know that can’t happen. I’m dreading it if I’m honest. I want it all perfect for mom just don’t know how to get through it. We finalised the wording with the funeral celebrate lady today and that was hard enough. I’ve chosen some pig her favourite songs including take that but how I’ll get through listening to them I don’t know