Hi Kelly, I still think the last year didn't really happen, how could my mother possibly have become ill with cancer and then died I  still think if I drive to my mother's house she will be there as she always was or if I phone her she'll answer the phone. To be honest I don't think I'll ever fully accept it, it's just too hard. I still look around for her even though I know deep down I will never see her in this lifetime again. 

It does help to read posts on here and to read that someone feels the same because you think Thank Godness I'm not the only one who feels/thinks. So thanks to you also for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Take care of yourself x x x

Losing someone to cancer is just so devestating ,everryone will have different coping mechanisms but fair to say it will take a bit of time to come to terms with (the pain of course to an extent will depend on the circumstances).

I've recently lost  a   friendly neighbour at the age of 56 and  devestating, losing life only 7 weeks after diagnosis.  Turned out two secondary cancers in bowel and liver, they could not determine the primary cause though feeling that may have been pancreas. She also had blood clots between the lungs.   Surgery was ruled out early on and whilst at one point some form of chemotherapy was the plan the cancer was very aggressive and view was it would likely be of little benefit and patient was weak.      So difficult to deal with as they did not have an indication, originally went into hospital with  suspected chest infection-had been complaining of breathlessness the previous week.  Had seen GP previously with sciatica and urine infection but no idea it of anything serious, though obviously may have missed some of the symptoms.    I know that with  Pancreatic Cancer there are often no effects in the early stages.

She was in hospital during this illness apart from a week when she went  back home and was cared by her sister with help from Marie Curie nurses.    However had to go back into hosptal at the end and lost the battle two days later,  bowel had perforated .   Whilst hospice had been recommended  my neighbour wished to  be back at home  at least initially.      Not so long ago they seemed fine and until fairlly reccently  were  pretty much on the go .   From the early stages of hospital admission  they were often exhausted , later only managed  to move in ward  with a zimmer and relied on Oxygen .  

Whilst not a relative were fairly close, , thought I'd join here and share-condolances to all who have given their account.   Did lose Grandfather to  lung cancer but was young child at the time, do not have too many memories, other relatives thus far have passed with different issues even if some of them were sad events.

I know that I’m not ok but I refuse to accept why, it’s such a confusing process! I can’t face work or shopping and my daughter is going to the hairdressers alone tomorrow when I know she needs me but I just can’t face people out of my comfort zone, I feel so lost! This time last week I was by my dads side taking care of him the best way I could and now he’s gone, it makes absolute no sense! I’m constantly saying I’m ok and pretending I’m ok when I honestly feel like nothing will ever be ok again my children go away on Sunday and I feel like I’ll fall apart as soon as they’re gone! It’s a strange journey and I applaud anyone that has lives with loss and manages to continue a normal happy life. Thank you for your comment. I’m overwhelmed by how comforting talking to a stranger has been x x

In the early weeks after losing my mother I found it hard to face people and would avoid a lot of people. People mean well and often don't know what to say so I just wanted to hide away. I did and still do go for a walk every day in my local park it does help a little. 

Just do what you feel comfortable with even if it's to pop outside for a breath of fresh air and you do nothing for the rest of the day, don't feel guilty you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. You did the best for your Dad and he would have known this. It's a crap 'journey' we all on I know and I wish it was easier, the only thing we want we can't have. I do believe our loved ones are still with us giving us strengh I always say love can never stop exsisting especially the love my mother had for us all. 

Wishing you the best for Sunday, you'll suprise yourself with how much you can cope. X x x

Hi J4578,

You sound like a very caring neighbour and friend 56 is no age at all, my mother was 68 never thought I would lose her ar this age especially when she was needed and wanted so much. Cancer is so very cruel and its horredous to watch someone you love and care for suffer and detoriate before your very eyes being unable to do anything. Something I hope and pray I never have to see or do again. 

Thank you for your condolences and sharing with us x x x

Thank you once again for your words of wisdom, I’m so sorry you lost your mum I hope it’s becoming easier for you although I can’t imagine it ever does! It’s strange you mentioned hoping you never have to watch anyone fighting cancer again, I’ve developed a fear of hearing someone else I love has it  

My next fear is the chapel of rest, do you mind me asking if you went to see your mum and your thoughts and feelings on it please? I miss my dads face I want to see him again and it’s distressing that he hated being alone and now he’s been by himself for almost a week, I feel like I want to spend as much time as possible with him but I’m terrified it won’t be my dad and I’ll be scared and then feel guilty.

I won’t be doing anything I don’t feel comfortable doing at the moment but I know eventually I’ll have to and that feels terrifying to me, We’re going on holiday 5 days after the funeral and I’ve never been less interested in my life! My partner suggested cancelling but for the children’s sake I have to go and try. 

Thank you for being here and being such a comfort to people after the heartache you’ve suffered, I hope I can eventually do the same. 

Xxx

I didn't think I would go and see my mother in the chapel of rest and I did have a  conversation with my mother about it before she passed away. I was frightened at the thought of seeing her lifeless.

I decided that I had to see her one last time and to tell her I loved her. So yes I did go to see her and am glad I did. She still looked like my mother but I could also tell the soul of who she was was gone if that makes any sense. Once I was there I wasn't scared at all I was never frightened of my mother alive so she didn't frighten me when she wasn't alive. Stupid as it sounds I wanted to tell her after I had seen her.

I also hated the thought of her being alone as we never left her side during the time she was ill and when everything was normal I would see her everyday. 

You'll know what to do and whatever you decide it's what suits you. I think guilt comes hand in hand with grief. I'm forever feeling guilty for not crying enough.

I'm sure your Dad would be more than happy for you to go on holiday with your children. It is hard to enjoy things in life but things will start to creep in and glimmer through. As I said I'd never thought I'd cope without my mother but I am trying I do it for my children her much adored Granchildren and also for my mother.

It does help a lot just to write things here and to know people do understand.

Thinking of you x x x