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Bereavement

Lupton96
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Hello I will try keep this is as short as possible. Last November  my father was diagnosed with Squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue. After weeks of me telling him the lump on his tongue was probably an ulcer , we were very wrong. My dad was 60 and suffered from Ushers Syndrome which had caused to him to lose his complete eyesight and made him hard of hearing over the course of around ten years. Due to other health complications the doctors decided that and operation would leave him to a life of surviving from a feeding tube and breathing tube alongside being blind and death so he was placed into palliative care. He died in March . So that’s the backstory out of the way but it is now July and I can’t seem to even find a glimpse of a normal way of thinking . I’m 23 and have a one year old son who I love more than life itself but even the thought of him isn’t helping . I have been completely avoiding doing anything with anyone , friends girlfriend included . I don’t want to talk to anyone about anything I just want to shut myself off from the world and pretend like my dad is still here . I have accepted the fact I am more than likely suffering from depression but I honestly can’t think of anything to change it. Even the thought of going to work every day is depressing me I went back to work 2 weeks after he died on the advice of its best to just keep busy and take your mind off it . I was just really wondering if anyone here has gone through that and any advice they could give because at the moment I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. 

Any advice or helpful tips would be of great help. 

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    when Hi there - yes, it's obvious you are depressed & as someone who has suffered from it in the past I understand how you are suffering. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can draw you out of that black hole. Except there is, I promise you, there is. You MUST go to your GP & tell him/her how desperate you are feeling. You will get help & although that help might take a little while to take effect it WILL. You say you can't think of anything to change the depression - when it's bad the chances are you can't change it by yourself. But change can & will come when you ask for help.

    Losing your dad when you are only 23 is awful - I lost mine I was 24 but that was over 40 years ago & I still think of him. That is how it will be with you but now, of course, the sadness isn't there - mostly I smile about him. It's too soon now for you to feel that way but it will come when the depression is lifted.

    If things feel as tho' they are getting worse do ring the Samaritans - they are brilliant listeners & talking does help I promise. Post here too whenever you feel like it, but MOST important phone your GP.

    I'll think of you. x

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    Hello, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I think I can relate to what you are going through. My mum died in March too, it all happened so quickly. I have days when I feel so low and miserable and don't feel motivated to do anything. I automatically want to shut off from everyone too but have learnt that this is the least helpful. I think it's great you have decided to reach out here because dealing with this on your own is so hard and none of us are meant to cope by ourselves. Sometimes I almost force myself to talk to someone, or to go out, exercise, do anything to help me release and remember what it's like to enjoy things. It doesn't always work but I think to get over that hurdle of feeling stuck and low we may sometimes need to give ourselves a push. What kind of activities do you enjoy? I know what it's like to keep busy to avoid feeling the pain, and am currently at a stage where my main distraction/focus has finished and am feeling all the sadness all over again. It's an emotional rollercoaster. But I know how important it is to let ourselves feel the pain in order to move forward. I am lucky to be in therapy too which helps me, and I know there is bereavement support out there if you want to talk to others who have been through a similar experience. I'm happy to talk more if you would like to. Hope this is somewhat helpful xxx 

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    Hi i lost my partner just over a year ago for you its realy such a short time sinc you lost your lovely dad .a month ago i started to turn into a bit of a hermit i stopped going out .i i thought ive got to start living again or ime  going to get worse and worse i found the only way is push myself to get out as no one else can only me i know you will hate it but try it does get eisier theres a fine line between grief and depression eve the experts admits its hard your probably not depressed just emotionaly exhausted to me grief is like a madness its so emotional you must be worried about it or you wouldnt be joining us on this rotton but lovely site .maybe a trip to gp see what they say there are things that can help and just going will make you feel better .deppression i think if you had that you wouldnt think to come on here .so try and get out see your friends if they have kids all the better i think there inocent energy rubs off especialy your own it will be effecting them there poor mum suffering i wish i had a madgic wand and make it right but only you can and talking realy is the only way wether you hate it or not before you get trapped in a downward spiral whitch can be so so difficult to get out from i know ive been there  best wishs paul

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    Well said keep trying i was ok then it took over again its like waves and your stuck with your back to them and you dont know when there comimg but they do get less from talking to my partner friday morning with hope she was gone 4 am sunday so understand when its quick leaves us realing for a long time best wishs paul

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