Hi my heart goes out to you its not something we can prepare for i i kn its a cleshei but i was so glad my liz passed without pain  as it can be horrendouse flippin  rotton disease just keep love ones and family round you take a bit of the initial shock away best wishs and sympathys to you and your family .paul

So so sorry Sarah...

Just want to add my thoughts are with you ... cancer sucks big time ...

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie  

Thanks for taking the trouble to respond - you’re right it’s a terrible thing for the whole family to go through. Good luck to you going forward!

Hi SaraJo,

I do feel for you, I too lost my darling husband nearly one year ago(29th July) although it feels like today!

It was one year ago today we were told by his gastro consultant that my dear husband had metastatic pancreatic cancer and that he had no treatment options as his liver was covered in tumours. This came as a complete shock as he had no symptoms from the primary cancer (pancreas) until it spread to the liver! He was a very young 51, he passed away in hospital 2 weeks and a day later completely conscious, he grabbed my hand and had a heart attack and there was nothing I could do to save him, the cancer had caused so much potassium that his heart was going to kill him first. This image is there every day, I try so hard to see those lovely memories we made over the last 31 years, but those last images just never seems to fade.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve, as at the moment nothing or anyone will be able to feel your pain, and you must go through this process to be able to take a few steps forward without him. I can tell you although my life is nothing without my wonderful husband, I am ok, my health has taken a few knocks from shock and stress but I am taking each day as it comes.

 My next few weeks will be extremely tough as I approach the anniversary of his passing, but I am determined to remember him the way he was before that awful cancer took him!!

My heart goes out to you, take care of yourself,

Debbie 51 xx

Thank you ime over a year on now so i know it gets eisier Sarah jo you just have to keep putting one foot after the other and always put something ahead to look to .best wishs .paul

Hi Debbie 51,

it it took me a while to respond to this as it made difficult reading. I have no idea how I would have dealt with something so traumatic. I was aware for over 3 years that my husband would die but was grateful that when he did it was peaceful. He detiorated over the last few months to the extent that he was in a wheelchair and I did everything for him. We would have been married 27 years in September. At the moment my concern is helping my daughters cope and they are concerned for me. I was so tired trying to keep all the balls in the air: looking after him trying to earn money to pay the bills and keeping positive for him.  It just seems so surreal now that he isn’t here and I miss him terribly! I hope you get through the anniversary ok and manage to get some peace. What a cruel thing cancer is to take our men away from us. Big hugs to you and try to console yourself with the fact that at least you were there for him to reach out to at the end - he didn’t die alone. 

Sending love

Sarajo x

Thank you SaraJo for your reply, I’m sorry if it upset you, I didn’t want to do that, all our stories of loosing our loved ones are so difficult for those that have to leave us and those left behind.

Yes I do take comfort I was with him as he could have passed away anytime with the way he went. I did promise him we would be there till the end, My 25 years old Son was also with me, it did seem very unreal as my son arrived at the hospital and my husband passed 10 mins later, so it felt like he didn’t want me to be on my own also!

It must have been very difficult for you to have to care for your husband and work and also stay strong for him and your children for that length of time, you sound like a strong person, but I know inside you is so so different! 

I hope you find enough stentgh to just take each day as it comes and look after self for now, your husband is now at peace and you have done everything you could for him, and he will be able to thank you when you see him again one day.

Lots of love

Debbie 51 x

Hi Debbie 51

You didn’t upset me don’t worry just really felt your Pain!  Thanks for your kind words.

lots of love to you 

SaraJo xx

Hi sarajo...

Just wanted to say ... when I hear your thread and your answers trying to help others even when your going through so much ... you really touched my heart ... your a gentle soul... and they don't come along to often ...

The first year is raw ... like a wound that won't heal ... but something l used when missing someone and it hurt too much .. was closing my eyes and reliving the funny times that made you laugh with him .. play it over slowly word for word .. remember how it made you feel .. till the pain is replaced by a good memory and you can cope ...

Someone said grief is like being on a journey... there's different things to see along the way .. but try to go with whatever you feel ... happy or sad ... and know it's all part of loving and loosing those so very close to us ...  l feel you have an inner strength .. maybe your man taught you well ... 

Keep him wrapped up in your heart now .. take him with you on life's journey...  you've been so strong all along ... now its time for you ... l believe they stay around and get us through some times .. I'm sure there will be times you feel him ... lve felt my mum so many times along the way .. things that can't be explained ... 

Now is the time for sharing .. with your daughters .. time that no one is the strong one ... you all share this first year ... get each other through .. talk about him .. remember you are both a part of your daughters .. you both made them ... so you will see him in them ... as long as our kids go on ... we will never truly go ...

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie