Oh sweetie - such a dreadful thing to have happened. It's not surprising you are feeling so so desolate & it's such a short time since you lost your mum. Life can be so cruel can't it? You know love is such an important thing & we can't live totally full/happy lives without it & I'm sure you & your mum loved each other dearly. Sadly, grief & loss is a price we all have to pay for loving people when the time comes & we lose them. That love hasn't gone away - it's there inside you for your mum. Perhaps more importantly that love your mum had for you is also inside you. Have a look at - it will always be there & comfort you if you let it. I know she would be desperate for you not to feel so sad & so alone. Her love IS giving you an enormous hug at the minute & that hug will ease the pain sooner than you might think just now.

As for your family - it's hard to understand the actions of others at times & perhaps at this moment it's better that you don't try to work it out. Focus on yourself & coming to terms with your loss. When I've lost people I've loved I found that just getting thro' the next hour was the best way to manage things. Don't think about tomorrow or the day after or next week just think about an hour at a time. Do the little things that you have to do & one hour will pass & then another & another. Suddenly a whole day or 2 will pass & no matter how hard you will realise you have managed it. That's how life goes on I promise.

You DO have things to live for no matter how desperate you feel just now. You have your mum to live for - that's why she brought you into the world so you could live a life with all that life brings - the good & the bad. So, when the time comes & the grief isn't so raw you must honour your mum by living a happy life.

Keep going hour by hour.

I'll think of you a lot & hope the best for you.

Purrfect xxx

Hi Poppet

Know we’ve chatted already today but was so sad to see you are saying you have nothing to live for. You have everything to live for! What would your parents say if they heard you saying that? I too feel really alone in the world. Like you my mum and i were the best of friends. She has got me through so much....she was my rock. I am fortunate enough to still have my dad but we have never been very close. People say to me that they think I’m a daddy’s girl but they are so wrong! 

Up until Mums funeral I was getting so many messages and phone calls and they have all but stopped now. People just get on with their own lives. I’m sure that if you let people know you need them they will be there for you. And if not....that’s what we’re here for xxx

I feel your pain it is physical and mental. My mum, my best friend died on 23rd March I miss her so much it’s unbearable the pain but I have a little boy so I have to carry on and get on with each day. I have times I feel ok and smile but the ache and pain is always there and I know it won’t go away but need to adapt and live with the pain. I really hope you are ok it’s so crap and painful going through it message me and we can chat xxx you need to be be kind to yourself and accept the situation and keep going xxx

Hi meglou, so very sorry for your loss, have you thought about taking some flowers to your mum and having a talk to her, i lost my mother over ten years ago and i still visit her tell her what's going on in my life, she's with her husband so she's not alone, right next door to my grandma and grandad i always keep things tidy for them, nearby there's a rabbit Warren there devels for eating the flowers even artificial ones but i don't really mind it's lovely watching young ones jumping around they don't bother about me anymore they've got usto me sometimes i feed them, but they still eat my flowers,. It does get easier with time, you'll never forget it just gets less painful, i still remember, going round grandma's they only lived two. Minutes away to see if they wanted any shopping doing they were about 80 i was about 10 I'm 67 now and still remember well,. Best wishes,.

Billy 

Hello meglou213,

After reading your post I just wanted to stop by to say how sorry we're to hear about your loss.

Grief is a very personal journey and there is really no right or wrong way to feel it, so take your time but please remember we're always here to listen, you're not alone.

We also havea page on our website that talks about coping with grief and I thought I might link it here in case you feel like this is something that could help in the process.

Stay strong, meglou213.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Meglou123,

I am so sorry for your loss, it's so hard when you lose a parent but to lose both at such a young age I can't imagine your pain. When I lost my mum last September, everything seems pretty pointless and you don't know how you will ever cope, living without them is just too painful to contemplate.

I am further along this journey and I can say that somehow you will find the strength to carry on, I won't say it's easy, you know it isn't but I try and think that my mum wouldn't want me to carry this sadness; that she is with me in spirit. i close my eyes and imagine she is here, just putting her arms around me and telling me it will be ok.

Somebody I spoke to recently through work had lost their father, I think she must be around the same age as yourself and even though I had lost mum, it is difficult to know what to say, as just saying sorry seems a bit feeble, especially when you know some of the pain they're going through. 

There will be good and bad days...and god awful days when you feel its impossible to keep going, it is just a day at a time; life is cruel but in time, happier memories will also be there. ...I promise you that.

If you haven't already done so, speak to your GP, mine was very understanding and I also went for counselling and so many wise words from the lovely people on this forum.

Sending you warm wishes and hope you will post again to let us know how you're doing.

Thinking of you,

x

[@purrfect]‍ thank you so much for your message. Today is a better day thank god. Yesterday was my worst so far I think. But your words surely did help me. X sometimes it’s just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel x

thank you for taking the time to write to me though - I won’t lie, I’ve read your message about 20 times now - it makes me sad but in a good way if you get me. 

Thanks again xx 

Morning Sweetie - I'm so glad what I said has helped you & that you had a bit better day. That's what you'll find - good(ish) days & horrible ones. That shows you're going thro' the process of grief & that in due course you'll come out at the end of it.

Keep posting here when you feel you need to. Everyone understands how you are feeling & that helps doesn't it? Keep going sweetie - keep going for your lovely mum.

Big hug for you x

Hi Megan. It's Tinsy. I'm so sorry. I am useless at these chat sites. I don't even know how I got your message up on the screen lol. I have just read it and  now know the answer to my private chat question. I will keep in touch with you via private messages. Hopefully we will speak soon. Hang on in there Megan, it does get a lot better. Your mum and dad wouldn't want you to be feeling down and sad. We are all in it together, getting through each day tough as it may seem so early on. You will get there . just hang on and it will get better. I promise