I lost my dad in 2016. Wasn't cancer but septic shock and he had been slowly withering away due to heart failure. He slowly became unrecognisable and it was heartbreaking. He was 75 when he passed and I was just 30. 

My family is in another country, Italy, and I live here in the UK and I'll never forgive myself that I didn't go back to see him in his last days. That happened because I had just started a new job and he didn't seem like he was gonna pass that quickly. They were talking about hospice but he never made it to one.

I spoke to him on the phone on the morning of the day he died. His voice was a whisper. I didn't know it was gonna be the last time or else I would have said things I will never be able tell him now. 

When my sister told me he had passed I did cry but then just felt relief for him. He had no life anymore the way he had been with the illness and he was free of pain and suffering. 

I went back for the funeral, seen him at the morgue etc. I felt ok. At the time I managed to stay put together quite well. 

But I guess I never properly grieved. I can't look at his pics now without immediately bursting into tears. I dream of my dad often and feel immense guilt that I wasn't there when he died. My GP just diagnosed me with moderate/severe depression and I can tell you this is one of the reasons. 

His death hit me in a delayed way so to speak. I cannot talk about this to anyone in my real life. I keep it for myself but I don't think the pain will ever go away. You just go on but it will always be there.

This is my personal experience with the death of a very close person to me and I had lost my grandmothers before him as well. 

You're not a bad person at all for not crying. Everyone deals with grief differently. You're experiencing calm that your mum now is at peace. That's a good way to deal with this actually. 

I wish you all the best. Take care and don't worry about what others think. It's your emotions and no one can judge them. 

I lost my dad in 2016. Wasn't cancer but septic shock and he had been slowly withering away due to heart failure. He slowly became unrecognisable and it was heartbreaking. He was 75 when he passed and I was just 30. 

My family is in another country, Italy, and I live here in the UK and I'll never forgive myself that I didn't go back to see him in his last days. That happened because I had just started a new job and he didn't seem like he was gonna pass that quickly. They were talking about hospice but he never made it to one.

I spoke to him on the phone on the morning of the day he died. His voice was a whisper. I didn't know it was gonna be the last time or else I would have said things I will never be able tell him now. 

When my sister told me he had passed I did cry but then just felt relief for him. He had no life anymore the way he had been with the illness and he was free of pain and suffering. 

I went back for the funeral, seen him at the morgue etc. I felt ok. At the time I managed to stay put together quite well. 

But I guess I never properly grieved. I can't look at his pics now without immediately bursting into tears. I dream of my dad often and feel immense guilt that I wasn't there when he died. My GP just diagnosed me with moderate/severe depression and I can tell you this is one of the reasons. 

His death hit me in a delayed way so to speak. I cannot talk about this to anyone in my real life. I keep it for myself but I don't think the pain will ever go away. You just go on but it will always be there.

This is my personal experience with the death of a very close person to me and I had lost my grandmothers before him as well. 

You're not a bad person at all for not crying. Everyone deals with grief differently. You're experiencing calm that your mum now is at peace. That's a good way to deal with this actually. 

I wish you all the best. Take care and don't worry about what others think. It's your emotions and no one can judge them.