I'm not a sharer by nature I have to say - I get that from my dad - he never worried anyone with money worries or other problems throughout his life but shouldered them all himself. He was the absolute pillar of strength in our family - the thread that really bonded our family together and I looked up to him from as early as I can remember and to this day. He was always my hero and who I wanted to be and for him to be so proud of me. I no longer have him thanks to the big C. I'm one of 4 children who all grew up in a proud, fun and loving family with the usual twists and turns you'd expect in family life. This all changed 10 years ago when my dad was diagnosed with cancer - I don't remember too much of the intricate details (I think most likely i've blocked it out) but I remember the initial diagnosis was followed with some hope attached to an investagatitve operation that unfortunately didn't bring the outcome we prayed for - the prognosis after this was basically that it had spread beyond the expectancy so palative care was the best and most comfortable option for him. I remember being told this by the consultant with the rest of my family in a private room and uncontrolably screaming out and breaking down. What was harder wierdly was being with him after finding this out. By nature he was a joker and looked on the bright side of life - and this had always been how I'd been with him but knowing the diagnosis and knowing he knew that I knew the diagnosis made it so so hard - and being the men we were we didn't speak about it - although I did make a point of telling him i loved him every time i visited him. He passed away a few months later and I have to say I think I did at the time and to this day blocked it out trying to remain the pillar of strength for the rest of the family as well as my own wife an kids. The loss of my dad had a devastating effect on my lovely mum - they came as a pair from day one when they fell in love as teenagers and when one was gone it was heartbreaking. My mum was trying to carry on for the rst of the family but it was too much and after a few years suffering from dementia she also passed away.

If you take anything from this post, please please firstly tell the people you care about you love them - I never used to believe it but you really do not know how long you've got them for.

Secondly (certainly not restricted to men but) for all the guys ot there reading this, after not talking about it for 10 years, please talk to the people around you that love you and that have also lost the person you love - i've discovered that keeping it in doesn't protect those people by trying to shoulder it all yourself but probably does more harm to you in your own head and your relationship with those people than it does good. It's amazing also when you start opening up how those other people are also feeling the same but didn't want to say anything for fear of upsetting you. Look after the ones you have and yourself.