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Seems to be getting worse

Cal21
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Hi all.

My dad died in December and although I have been heartbroken everyday since it just seems to be getting worse. I feel more upset, im more emotional and I miss him more than I can begin to explain. 

Im so unhappy and I dont think anyone really understands. My relationship is really on a wobble at the moment. Although he was great during the time I was looking after my dad and just after he died, he just seems to not care or appreciate that Im still hurting so much anymore. 

To top it off our sister has distanced herself from the rest of the family ( normal/dysfunctional family palarva) and I have just found out that she came round to my house to get some of his ashes (what she told me was for an urn she brought) but in actual fact she is going to spread his ashes at the place he wanted scattering by herself with her partner because she "cant be bothered to be around us". I just feel so betrayed. She lied to my face and sge is completely disrespecting what my dad wanted. Thats just the icing on the cake of over emotional feelings anyway but needed to vent to an unbiased audience so hope you don't mind some of its a bit off topic and long winded.

X

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    Hi cal you have come to the right place what your going through with friends anf is not unusual .when we loose a loved ones we stop using our logical brain defaut to the emotional part so people do strange things we would never expect its realy not long we think it will stop hurting after so many months but it gets realy raw for a time then slowly the pain starts to dwindle i say this to everyone try and get some bereavement counciling in my case i went to local hospice they explain things etc that you cant work out like how you sisters been shes not thinking straight either .time heals wounds but not on its own you have to do things to help .but your pretty much hitting rock bottom theres only one way after that and thats up . After a few months the world starts to go back to normal but you dont its not that people dont care its the way it is i had self same thing as you and many on here have to un fact its almost the rule rather than the exception .so hold on just keep telling yourself you will feel better eventualy you will its getting rid of the negative thinking your stronger than you think and you will i so sorry your going through this its agony just steady steps eh .paul

     

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    Hi Cal, 

    I'm on the same timeline. My mum died in December, and for the past two or three weeks I have been struggling a lot. You are not alone, and I think it's great that you posted here as there are going to be people here who can understand - as far as we can ever really understand someone else's journey.

    Grief changes, though. While you will always love, miss and grieve your dad, and while it's never something you 'get over', you will not be feeling this bad forever. Right now I think the best thing to do is to just accept that yes, you feel awful, that it hurts and everything really sucks. I've found that fighting those feelings makes them so much worse. 

    I'm really sorry that your partner isn't being as supportive anymore. I wonder if he'd be up for reading some resources on grief that show him how your emotions right now are completely normal. Do you think he might also be feeling frustrated that he can't help you feel better? If so, that knowledge that no-one can, and it's something to be experienced and not fixed, might help him to put aside his own feelings about the situation and be a bit more compassionate towards you. 

    I am so sorry about the things going on with your sister, too. I guess I'd say that she's going to be grieving in her own way, too, but that doesn't make it any easier when she treats you like that. 

    Wishing you all the very very best. It's a horrible horrible thing, but I have to believe there are going to be better days ahead. 

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