Post mortem timings and funeral arrangements

Sorry if this comes accross rather confusing, I am still I state of shock and rumble a lot nowadays.

lost my mum last week to cervical cancer, it was an 18 months battle, 2 chemos and radio and final 3-4 months of slow wasting away at home. I was there with her at all times and when she passed too. It is still very painful for me to digest.

She passed at home late at night and because the final hours were scary (she was very unsettled and vomiting blood) I phoned paramedics who stayed with me till the end. Gave her painkillers and some kind of relaxers. When she passed they called the understakers and mum was taken to them. Now I am enduring another battle where GP needs to refer to post mortem as she hasn’t been seen by them in the last 2 weeks. It’s now been 9 days and I haven’t got any idea of when the coroner is coming or not coming. The funeral directors are helpful but guessing the can’t do much in this case. My family is abroad I am the only relative of my mum who lives in the UK, I have no idea what I need to do and when. Just desperate cry for help really, any advice? How long does it take? My family abroad is pressing on me about funeral arrangements and can’t understand why it’s taking so long (I also still need to grieve about this I feel like I’m gonn break down soon because I haven’t been able to let it out yet due to my 2 small kids as I can’t show them I’m upset, I still need to function in normal way for them). But I also need to be able to see my mum again at funeral parlour to have a last chat and say good byes before the funeral) so many things to do. 

Do you know how long for coroner to order a post mortem and how long that takes and when the funeral is likely to be scheduled? 

Sorry for a lengthy post I do feel better now having put these in words, god knows it’s easier than talking to people face to face 

thank you all

  • Hi ime so sorry this had happend i know it takes some time all i can suggest is to ring croners office they should help .allso citizens advice they will have soneone who can help theres also the mcmillan advice line theres lots in place to to help familys .try citizens advice first so sorry you lost your mum i such awfull circumstances its normal to be in disbeleif and shock if its getting to much have a word with gp he or she should be able to help but book a double apointment .hope all this is sorted quickly for you all .paul

     

  • Hi Frenchick,

    I'm so sorry for your loss and especially what you are having to go through now. The GP will be referring this to the Coroner but it may not necessarily need a post mortem - only where the death is suspicious would a post mortem be necessary. I'm assuming that any care your mum had was provided in hospital but that she had been discharged home in the last 2 weeks or more? These websites help explain what happens www.citizensadvice.org.uk/.../ and www.gov.uk/.../when-a-death-is-reported-to-a-coroner

    Nine days seems a very long time for the Coroner to deal with your mum's case. I have added a website for Manchester but it will be very similar in most areas of the country. It says that it should be dealt with quickly if straightforward secure.manchester.gov.uk/.../5

    It's not unknown for paperwork etc to go astray in these cases & this may be causing the hold up (it did in my mum's case). I suggest you contact the Coroner's office for the area your mum died. The Coroner's officer should be able to give you some idea as to what is happening & how long it may take. Once the Coroner has finished & a medical certificate has been signed they will release the body to the undertaker. You then have to register the death before the undertaker can arrange the funeral with you - from receiving the medical certificate to the funeral day will be about 3 weeks (dependant on the funeral director & church/cemetary/cremation facility availability). It's all explained in the website links.

    Meanwhile, I would see your GP about the anxiety this is causing - they may be able to prescribe you something that will help in the short term. I hope you get a quick resolution and you can say goodbye to mum very soon. Take care and try not to let it overwhelm you,

    Angie

     

  • Apparently the GP hasn’t even made a referral to the coroners yet :((( omg what’s wrong with them? It’s so disrespectful to my mum. I’m crying my eyes out, shouldn’t GP be more thoughtful of this? Saying they couldn’t get onto the system for 9 days, GP wasn’t around, something else something else 

    omg :(((( 

  • That's terrible. They should have at least kept you informed. Once it's all calmed down I would mkae a complaint to the Practice Manager & point out the stress this has caused you by not knowing what is going on. If there is a problem with the system they should be able to report it to the coroner another way. I think you need to cause some waves with the GP.

  • No Angie, she was never at the hospital except for chemo and radio and scans and consultant appointments, so outpatients apts only. 

    She was never discharged as such. The last consultant appt was on 28th feb which she wasn’t able to attend so I went instead. Explained the situation and managed to get some meds (steroids and something else). Which actually made her feel worse, steroids pumped up her appetite and she was feeling ready hungry and trying to eat but not able to hold anything. It was an agony for a week and she stopped them. The latest appt was on 28th March which none attended, she was already bed bound and I was already too worried and trying to organise carers and life line. 3 days later she passed away. She never had the GP visits but the medics history is all there.

     

    anyway, went to her GP today and physically sat there till they have done a referral. Hopefully it has now gone to the coroners and having read through your links it shouldn’t be longer than 2-3 days fingers crossed. Whatever is next though.... :( sad sigh

  • Hopefully you will get the medical certificate within the next few days and can start the funeral arrangements. Thinking of you x