Hello i am so sorry it is agonising to go through i had same with my partners daughter i think its guilt in your partners partners family to isnt it funny we do all the caring and when our partners pass we have no rights i got to put nothing in the ulegy either i wasnt with liz as long as you but like you consider myself lucky to have loved . In the end it got so bad i told em what a bunch of rotters they were and left it at that. You know at the beginning this counciling is like that it opens wounds only because we are talking about our partners many people say its not doing any good but its not a magic bullet it takes months to work the other thing is after a while people friends family start to go back to normal and tend to change the subject but we are still hurting this i when the counciling starts to help because they listen and dont try to change the subject and you can chat rant talk about your partner .its so early two months is not long at all but the pain does dwindle but its a lonely journey ime afraid when liz passed it was like my life had ended everything just stopped thats the diffrence about loosing a wife or partner .sound like you were very much in love .i found after liz went strange unexplainable things happend that cant be explained leading me to beleive they stay around for a while to make sure we are ok im not religeouse in any way but i beleive now dont look for them just wait . Your stronger than you think you know .one other thing have a look and see if there is any bereavement groups in your eare being with similer people and sharing listening supporting oneanothere realy helps with the loneliness .it will be a year for me soon i still get waves but nothing like it was i tthink about liz a lot but not all the time like at the beginning .just try and hold the thought in your head that you will get through .how long who knows but i did in the end i beleived myself sounds daft i know but aur brains are made up of so many facets .paul
thank you for your response,and good luck to your future.sadly im not coping and wanting to be with Jayne is all i think about.im not thinking of a future, just a past with the special lady ,who made my life well worth living.maybe i will learn to live with the loss of the most important person ever to come into my life,but i think its very unlikely, how im feeling at present.And Jaynes mum as made me feel like i meant nothing to Jayne,like i wasnt an important part of Jaynes life.seems her aim now shes lost her daughter is to make me suffer,im already suffering big time and knowing how much Jaynes family despise me is adding to my pain.I will only be happy when im reunited with the love of my life.i cannot even be sure when i die that i will be next to or with Jayne.and that is my only desire,no amount of money could replace Jayne or make me want to be any were other than with Jayne.sorry to everyone who thinks im going on and being over dramatic at how im feeling,but in my reality nothing else or no one else matters to me.
Your not going on at all i presum your names ian . Its all consuming it goes round and round in your head and never lets up i felt my life had ended theres no worse mental pain . Theres a young chap on here is going through similer he can think of nothing eithere .try and forget Jaynes family for now its hard enough just the loss its just them trying to find someone to blame .unfortunatly thats human nature .we blame ourselves and that brings more pain .i had a big argument with her daughter yet before she and i got on like a house on fire but they have no right to use us as punchbags i i looked after liz so well i wouldnt let them put a canula in without me warming her hand or them doing it as it was so painful so you see how it is grief brings out the worst in familys and the best. The people you think will be there are not and ones you never would beleive step up to the plate you just cant figure it out keep coming on dont give up theres lots of lovely people on here going through grief or with cancer themselves they do it out of kindness nothing else but your not alone on here ian talking is best therapy thats for sure do you have family are they ok ?
i answered phone to Jaynes mum "£$£$" wedsnsday,to get told they intend sell the house[which isnt even theres yet]that she wished id never been jaynes partner,also accusing me of saying to someone that i wasnt invited go in the funeral car with the family.only things id said was i refused go in the car as i didnt want be in a car were none of them liked me.the dislike coming from "£$£$" is obvious.shes just spouting out anything to scamble my mind and try make me feel worse than i already do.sadly theres nothing she can say, to do that as i could not feel any worse, than i already do.i wont be answering the phone again to any of them,my next port of call is probabley a solicitor as i cannot sit back any more.And just wait see what happens.Not something i ever envisaged having to do as stupidly i thought i was at least liked a little for being in jaynes life and loving her and making her happy.
Hi ian do you know they probably do like you i dont think your taking inything in yet yes your brain is scrambled thats exactly what grief does .they need someone to blame there not thinking logicaly either trust me when i say normaly we use the logical part of our brains but in greif we reset to our emotional brain so it all changes one thing please dont drink .just hang on for your own peace of mind go see a solisiter and get that sorted it may start to ground you a bit when you know about that at least .your step mums just wants to hurt someone dont break off contact that will make it worse as then you dont know what there doing you have to protect yourself now your the most important and you need to get your strengh and lodgical thinking back have organised some counciling . How old was jayne do you have any children its a terrible disease is cancer it downt just take your love it destroys there familys if you let it ime sure you cared for jayne js good as any man could we carrers suffor the most because we care the most and we get no support after .but jaynes mums lost her child so she will not be thinking with her head either .p
The sad thing is Jaynes mum as problems,since Jayne was the bread winner and i looked after the household things,i was just with Jayne for her money and in her mums eyes a waste of space.But from now on im going ignore her family as Jayne was with me because we loved each other and her mum can go look elsewere to spit her venom.Im going do all i can to make sure her family dont get everything there own way.And all for the love of my best friend lover and soulmate Jaynes wishes.we will see what happens in the ensuing weeks.but im not giving them an inch.
ps we have no children and Jayne was a very young 52old.
Yes see a solicitor as soon as you can get that sorted that will help your nerves was there no will ? What a horrible thing to say about being togethere fo the money that is anger and the blame thing she will feel awfull guilt for that in the months to come . What you had together was great a lot dont get that what if you had been the bread winner and you died would your mum have called jayne a gold digger of ciurse not we still live in a world of double standerds jaynes mum lives in the oldfashioned world it dosnt work that way now with equality .its not just love in a relationship its what we bring to it and you obviusly braught a great deal or you both would not have been together when we have a loss that this moneys nothing .be the bigger man that you obviously are dont burn bridges just hold on it will get easier at the moment you will not feel that way at the moment this is were counciling comes in we need to talk and talk and councilars are on your side its hard when dealing with stuff as we are so used to having our loves to confide in .i used to send a texts to lizs phone or talk to her shes still there but in a diffrent place show jayne what a good man you are and cut her mum some slck and of caurse yourself to
I am glad to hear that your counselling was ok and, that you have no difficulty in talking about your feelings for Jayne. I wouldn’t expect you to be too over-enthusiastic about it, as it is often not until a few years on that you will realize that it has helped you. Still, it is good to hear that you are going back again next week. Group sessions are not for everyone, but some people do benefit from them.
You are still at an early stage in the grieving process and will be all over the place for some time to come. I’m not saying that it will get better, but you will eventually learn to accept her passing and find that you can cope a little better with your loss. I’m sure that your counsellor has probably talked you through the different stages of grief? I felt for you when I noticed how late you were still awake the other night. I thought that I was the only person around at that time in the morning!
You were obviously very fortunate to have Jayne in your life and feel a huge void at the moment. You will always hold her close in your heart and, nobody can take that away from you. I am glad to hear that you have a number of photos to keep around you. You must know the texts between you almost off by heart by now, but it must also be reassuring for you to have them all.
It is hard enough trying to deal with your grief, without having to deal with a family who do not like you. It must have been so hurtful not to have been given your place in the funeral procession. I have been involved in family squabbles over money after a funeral and know just how much it can drag you down. Go and see your solicitor and see what he can do to help.
I am glad to see that Paulus has joined in this conversation. He has had a hard time since losing his precious Liz and, I’m sure that he will share some of his experience with you.
How I wish that there was something that I could do to help ease your pain. I am thinking of you and praying that you will get the strength to see this through.
