Hi there ...

Wow... your grief is overwhelming you right now ... l lost my amazing mum when I was 36 ... and I had two boys 7 and 16 at the time ... l know life is never the same without them ... but you know, your children need you to get your head in the right place ...

I knew my mum adored my boys , and she'd have given me a right old kick up the bum, if she looked down and I was falling apart ... l loved her so much, I'd think what would she tell me .. and l know she'd want me to look after my boys like she looked after me ... 

There's no guide to grieving ... no guide to helping our babies ... but your an adult, you can ask for help and councilling , they can't... my youngest wanted to go to heaven to be with his nanny, because he had heard it's lovely up there ... l had to hold him and tell him, l needed him more ... and then I'd be sad ... 

Yes it's really hard being a grieving daughter while trying to be a loving mum .. but that's our job ... and we have to do whatever it takes to put our babies first ... children get vibes from us ... they've lost their nan, and can't find their mum ... they are angry / sad / confused because you are ... 

You havnt lost your mum , nore did l .., we are half of them ... they go on in us ... your children are a quarter of her too .. if you can find a way to hold their hand through this, you will teach your babies a lesson in life ... we loose those we love ... and in their heads, they are probly scared they will loose you too .. you've made a big step forward on here .. you've reached out ... now call McMillan and tell them how your feeling and ask their advice on councilling ... no one will knock on your door to help, so you knock on everyone's door and tell them, you need help right now ...

If you can come to terms with loosing your mum, your babies will start to cope too .. they just mirror how we feel .. my mum's been gone 30 years .. we brought her with us through life .. and my boys still post photos of her holding them when they were small .. it can be done .. one step at a time ...

Chrissie x

Thanks Chrissie,

Your so right and I tell myself just that all the time but I feel so overwhelmed still. Dont get me wrong I am trying so hard, im exhausted from life but i continue to be here for my boys. I think one of the issues is, I didnt realise how much i spoke to mum at times when the boys were difficult or life got overhwelming (I have PMDD) and just her presence would be enough to show me that "i got this". When the kids are being hard, as kids do, it just shows me even more how much i am missing her presence here and another reminder that my best friend isnt here to talk to. 

I do have a councillor privately, i am a part time fitness instructor and a company director with 20 staff under me so I do multitask and juggle everything which some times helps to be in a good balanced routine but being alone with my boys in the lake district on a 'holiday' is just too much. i am away from my home, my hubby, my councillor and my work and its been the first time so i suppose that isnt helping. what i thought would help the boys open up, spend time with me, get out and about has actually turned into me feeling suffocated and unable to cope :(

Hi ...

Maybe get back home ... get back to your "normality" and tell your self, it's o.k to feel scared / sad .. it's the price we pay for having wonderfull mum's . .

My oldest had A D H D ... and when it all got too much, I'd lay by her crying because of things he'd say or do ... and she'd stroke my hair, and I'd cope ... I still miss that now ... so believe me, I know how hard work children can be ... he'd often say he hated me .. I had to find a coping mechanism ... l knew it wasn't him, it was his condition... but every day was hard .. everyday there was something ... but it's taking life one day at a time .. 

You sound like you have a streefull job too which makes things harder .. but your fitness job should help .. they say exercise is good for the soul ... but you know I'm on my cancer journey now ... and I've told my boys, I better not see them grieving too long, if this takes me ... and my amazing granddaughter in pic, is my best buddy .. and it scares me how she'd cope .. so they better take care of her ...

So I've been on both sides .. and all we can do is live in the day .. and take baby step .. and know it's normal to feel like this .. many others on here are going through that too ... hopefully some will pop by, so you know your not alone ... sending you a vertual hug .... Chrissie x

Hi davina having pmdd must suck without loosing you mum .its not long you know but your stronger than you think if its got so bad perhaps a trip back to gp ssris are good maybe you need to try a diffrent type .perhaps dr can give you something for the anxiaty that seems to be your biggest problem at the moment and kids are picking up on it they see and feel more than we realise thats why they are so good at mentioning things to people you dont realise .when i lost my partner i have to admit for a while i sufferd from anxiaty its horrible and ime a guy that remains calme and did so till she passed then bang off i went so went to gp and for a month she gave me a mild dose of diazapam .not a mirical cure but kept me going .now are you having bereavment counciling you have to keep at it allso bereavment support groups if anything it will let you rant cry anything you want to do or say and for an hour or so all you have to worry about is yourself time is the the thing you have to keep telling yourself aloud so you listen it WILL get better because it does but time on its own is not enough you have to get out there push yourself or get your husband to .mum is god god your mums just gone somwhere better now your god ime not religiouse i think they hang around for a while to make sure your ok theres lots of posts about people who have had strange things happen that we cant explain your the one needing to heal now and as you do so will your kids .so you just hang on try and get rid of thoes black thoughts counciling will help that bereavment group will help you not feel like your the only one suffering so hold on do your best try and get out for walks excercise so sorry about your mum .best wishs paul

Thanks Paul for your understanding, I will have a look now for a grievance support group. I’m back home on Monday so I think a regular booking with my councillor and speak to the GP as well may be on the cards, I really do want to get better so will try everything.

thanks and so sorry to hear about your partner x